you, me.. and five bucks.

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.

i've learned to smile now..
dati kse..
may makita lang ako ng picture nila na magkasama,
i felt like my heart's being crushed into pieces.
i never thougth it could literally feel like that..
na parang nadudurog ng dahan dahan yung puso ko..
tapos tutulo nalang ang luha.
wala akong magawa eh..
wala akong karapatan na manghingi..

but that was then.

now..
i've learned to smile, and be happy for him..
napangiti ako..
because he looked so happy in one of their pictures together.
and the thought of that calmed my heart..


***

went to baron's wake, razel's loved one.
i wanted to comfort her and hug her.
i know there's nothing i can say that can make her feel better
from losing someone she deeply loves.

kahit hindi ako yung nawalan..
randam ko and sakit at hirap na dinadanas ni raze, at ng pamilya nila..
no one deserves this kind of pain..
but we all have to get through it..

maikli lang ang buhay..
ilang beses na ba nating napatunayan yun..
pero hindi pa rin natin niyayakap ang bawat araw ng pagkakataon na binibigay sa atin..

i dont want to find myself at the end of the road saying..
"i'm not ready.."
i dont want regrets for all the lost time..
for all the what ifs..
for all the memories not shared..
for all the sorrys unsaid..
for all the thankyous unheard..
and for all the iloveyous not shown..

i hope in my soul,
and i pray..
that the people close to my heart
live a life with no regrets.
a life experiencing God.
a life with hope. and faith. and trust.
and Love.

i'm missing old friends...

medz.. dandan.. ivy.. kel.. nikka..
aj.. crystal..

almira.. jani.. aie.. donna.. tina..


oj..

i am proud of my dad.

he has been in service for 13years.
3years as kagawad.
and 10years as a Barangay Captain.
and through all those years,
i have seen how he have grown into a wonderful person.
He became a great leader,
a compassionate friend,
a servant of God.













i am so proud of my father
and i am honored that i am called as her daughter.

haaaaaaaaaaaaay..
i've never been so broke like i am right now.

i cashed out 3,600 from my atm.
that's the whole bulk of it.
my two weeks of sweat and blood.

i have to pay Marian PhP2,950 due 3oth of Oct.
great, that leaves me 650.
ate a 50 peso sandwhich at LKG,
bought myself a 150 worth of eye glasses (it's so cheap i just had to buy it, only need to change the lenses),
55 bucks for my shuttle ride home.
the next day..
borrowed a hundred from my sister.
43 bucks for my jeep and shuttle ride to work,
ate a double cheeseburger meal at mc do for 90 (starving!),
35 bucks on my way home,
shell out PhP260 for my tithes (kulang pa nga ng 100 pa dapat),
and for my guilty pleasure, 100 for my Globe load.
(-33) pa. extra money ang pang dagdag.

haaaaaaays..
need money.
Lord, help me.

You Would Not Pick Your Boyfriend Again!

When you and your boyfriend first met, things were different. And now that the initial chemistry has worn off, you're finding that he's not right for you. As much as it hurts, you know that you need to let him go - and find someone worthy of your love. The good news is, you can be happier. You just have to make it happen.

Would You Pick Him Again?

after adding me to friendster (which i accepted),
tin sent me a message saying "hi"

is she being nice
or is she doing this to spite me?

hindi ko alam..
ayoko nang mag-isip.
ayoko nang makaramdam ng kahit anong galit..
nang inggit..
o nang sakit..
i've had more than enough of my share of pain and heartaches,
ayoko nang dagdagan pa.

i loved him, and i cannot change the reality that maybe i'll always will.
my letting go phase is long over due.
it's nearly 8 months since then.
haha.. sobrang tagal na..

but i know that i'm okay now.
i'm going to be alright.
that realization came when my nights stopped being such a torture,
and i was able to sleep with my pillow dry.
i seldom cry now (i still do sometimes but only when i miss him terribly).


my friends kept on telling me.
"ano ba ola,
siya pa rin ba, sobrang tagal na nyan ah."
*chuckles* kahit ako, natatawa nalang sa sarili ko.

hindi na sya.
he's no longer the person that i want to be with and have 5 kids with.
he's no longer the face i see myself growing old with.
hindi ko na pinipilit na gawin sya ang tao na yun.

pero mahal ko pa rin sya.
he was my squishy.
at kahit anong gawin ko,
he will always be this one person who became a big part of who i was.
he has always been my life.
and now my life is living a life of his own.

and i guess that is enough for me to be happy.. for him.
for the past years, all i do was to search a way for him to feel that happiness.

he found his way back.

now it's time for me to find my own.

Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora.
it has the most fine sand i've ver laid my feet on.
we went beach hopping.
gone snorkeling, and fed the little fishies.
experience water crashing to our feet while parau sailing.
watched breath taking sunsets.
burried our feet and made sand crocs.
sunbathe.
wore braids and bikinis.
shopped pasalubongs (till we dropped).
munched on food like queens.
sipped our favorite Jonahs' shakes.
watched endless 24/7 PBB.
and
took beautiful pictures together having a blast.
Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora.

my boss asked me to see him in the conference room.
syet.. may kasalanan na naman ba ko..
i closed the door and silently prayed for a life saver.
please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeaaaassse...
do not let this be my demise.

*whew*
he's approving my vacation leave.
i was waiting for this since the moment I passed my VL form
alas.
Bora, here I come!!! :)

"Ola.. i also need to talk to you about one more thing.."
there was a hesitation in his voice.
my throat felt dry, as i squinted and covered my mouth with my big notebook
"uh.. is it about my lates?..."
He chuckled..
"No, but i'll addressed that some other time.. How was your trip to crame?
Crame.
the slight thought of the place disgusts me.
it's the only place where i felt like i was treated unfairly.
it felt like they already have this notion of me being a criminal
and one little mistake could be my ticket to prison.

"Okay naman, sir.. It was quite an experience. I was a bit nervous at first, but at the end i was laughing all about it."
He chuckled again. Another hesitation..
"I hate to be the one to tell you this.. but.. you failed the exam.."
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????
I cannot believe what I've just heard.
How can I possibly fail it??
"You'll have to go there, and re-take the test.."
I looked at my boss with worried eyes.
not sure if he noticed, but i felt my eyes watering.
I shrugged it off by laughing.
How in the world did that happen...
he assured me that the management is not treating the lie detector exam as a basis of pin-pointing of who's the culprit.
but even though he kept on feeding me with comforting words,
it still feels like I was put in a man-hole
and I can't seem to find my way out.

*sigh*
great, just great.
*sigh*
itawa mo nalang.
at least, I still have my (pampalubag loob) vacation leave.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success.
Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today.
This is the man who discovered electricity.
You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear.
Fear of failure,
fear of rejection,
sometimes the fear is just of making a decision,
because what if you're wrong?
What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?
The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost.
We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time,
heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.
Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves.
We have to make our own mistakes.
We have to learn our own lessons.
We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore.
Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant.
That knowing is better than wondering,
that waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure,
even the worst,
beat the hell out of never trying.

-Meredith Grey "Grey's Anatomy

there was still a prick in my heart.
when i read on how you longed to be with her and hold her hand,
the way she brightens your every day,
and the way she seem to make you feel complete.

maybe it hurts, because i know.. that someone is not me.
and a part of me just can't seem to accept that.
but i guess the good new is
a big part of me is happy... finally.

happy because you have fallen in love.
and you are living your life once again.
it is my hope for you to find that gift.
and i pray for you to never lose it.

you have always been my fire, j.
i have loved you from the very start.
and i'll always will.

i miss you.

"hi, i think this will be my very first testimonial for you... actually i was compelled to write something really moving about you, but even the dictionary wasn't able to give me such words to describe you and your personality. i find it weird, and hard to believe that you could stare at me and never get tired, talk with me over the phone without having any specific topic at all, yet contented to spend lots of time on the phone. i can't see what's the thing about me that amazes you, and things you want to know more about me. i don't know why you want to hold me near you, i don't know what you see in my eyes... but this i know i'll do... i will never ever leave you... and this i know is true... i will always love you..."

-13March2005 12:19pm



a testimonial i got from squishy 2years ago.
God, it has been that long..

Oj has always been a big part of my life.
And he still is.
kahit hindi na kami nagkikita
or nakakapag-usap katulad ng dati.
*smile* naalala ko..
halos araw araw kaming magkasama.
kahit pagod sa trabaho..
kahit walang pera.
kung bad trip.
kung masaya.
takbuhan namin ang isat-isa.

na-miss ko yun.

ngayon, may kanya kanya na kaming mundo..
at may mga panahon pa rin na hindi ko mapigilan
isipin kung kamusta na siya..

He has always been my baby.
i never called him that before
but he was.
i was always protective of him.
tnanong nya sa testi nya kung anong nakita ko sa kanya..
and this is what i saw..
i saw "HIM"
a little boy yearning for love.
not every one may understand him.
and he may be hard to crack..
but behind his great big wall, i saw a little child.
who was just afraid..
who was alone..
who needed someone to comfort him and be there for him.
Me?
well, i just know that i was led there for a reason.
so i took him in,
with open arms.

there were no regrets.

i have been very blessed with friends and family.

narealize ko.. ang malas ko talaga, pagdating sa love life.
lahat puro tagilid.
pero pagdating sa kaibigan at pamilya,
para akong nanalo sa lotto.

ganun siguro tlga.
hindi pwedeng lahat na sayo.
(pagbigyan naman daw yung iba)

haaaaay kaya kung minsan..
kung broken hearted.
itawa nalang.
lumabas.
kumain.
makipag kwentuhan sa mga kaibigan, kapatid, nanay, tatay, pinsan.

akala mo katapusan na ng mundo.
pero hindi pala.
may iba pang mga tao na dapat mo ring pasalamatan
na dapat ring ipagdiwang dahil nandyan sila sa buhay mo.

wag ka nang umiyak
sa mundong pabago bago
pag-ibig ko ay totoo
ako ang iyong bangka
kung magalit man ang alon ng panahon
sabay tayong aahon

kung wala ka nang maintindihan
kung wala ka nang makapitan
kumapit ka sa akin
kapit ka sa akin
hindi kita bibitawan

wag ka nang umiyak
mahaba man ang araw
uuwi ka sa yakap ko
wag mo nang damdamin
kung wala ako sa iyong tabi
iiwan ko ang puso ko sayo
at kung pakiramdam mo
ay wala ka nang kakampi
isipin mo ako
dahil puso't isip ko'y na sa 'yong tabi

-sugarfree

i felt the Lord's arms embracing me..
my eyes welled up as i realized,
God has always been present in my life.
i kept on running after things, or searching for an event that will change my every day.
i want peace..
i want contentment..
i want my heart to jump in exuberating joy.
and then i felt Him saying..
"here i am..."

just watched "My Bestfriend's Wedding" an all-time favorite chick flick.

ever loved someone so bad, but then you recognized that you just have to let go and give up?
"i woke up and i realized, that the world is just as it should be."
a line from the movie.







iyon dapat ang mangyari.
ito dapat ang mangyari.
the beautiful world will go on,
whether or not the love we have given is reciprocated.
and that's just how it is.

"As alwys u bring out d best in evrybdy. I
hav nver found anyone els so charmng &
encompassng as u are. Ur evrthing that I
evr wantd and evn mor. I remembr
blissflly d way ur eyes sparkle & shine
lyk ur alwys seein me for d first tym, d
way u let out a contagious laugh wen I
tell a joke, d way u do thngs my way, d
way ur hands alwys find its way to my
hands, d way ur breath lingers in my
ear, d way u brush my hair w/ur fingers,
d way ur lips fits perfectly into mine, d
way u will alwys b you, and I will alwys
be me wen were together, d way the
sun alwys seem to shine wen Im w/
you, and d way the rainy days bcom
bearable bcoz of u, d way ur voice
bcoms d song in my heart, and ur touch
d healing stroke of heaven on earth, d
way you make me want to be better,
and see more of what life has to offer
with you by my side.
With all my heart, I shout with might. I
love you. i love you.
I am crazy in love w/ you.
And theres no turnin back. U will hav
my heart as long as you wud want me
to."


-14January2005

i was re-living again our memories.
or i guess, my memories of him.
siguro hindi nya na ako naiisip.
i still can't help but to check on him from time to time.
ang hirap kse pag nakasanayan mo na.

i was re-reading some of my testimonials for him at friendster.
i was so inlove.. *smiles*

i have no regrets in loving him.
kse alam ko kahit papano..
napasaya ko rin sya.

"sumagot lang ng opo, hindi po, o ng wala po."

***

kabado ako sobra nung pagpasok ko sa room.
ineexpect ko na ang makikita ko:
madilim at may isang nakasinding bumbilya na nakasabit lang
tapos may dalawang mamang pulis, na kapwa nag-aabang sa akin.
isang naninigarilyo, at isang may hawak na baril.

*breathe in*
*breathe out*

first time kong magpapa lie detector test.
inihanda ko na ang sarili sa pagbukas ko ng pinto.

"pumasok ka na sa loob." sabi sakin ng babaeng pulis.

hmpf, ang sunget.

lumuwag ang hinga ko nang makita kong maliwanag naman pla sa loob.
*buntong hininga*
white light.
at isa lang ang pulis.
may isang silya, roon na namukud tangi.
sa totoo lang mukha syang electric chair.
kulay brown.
may sandalan at arm rest din na malapad.
sa tabing kanan nito ang polygraph machine.

Diz iz it.



****

relax lang.
wag hihinga ng malalim.
normal lang ang pag hinga.
wag pag lalaruan o kakagatin ang bibig.
wag lulunok.
wag igagalaw ang kamay, ang paa.
wag lilingon, wag iikot ang tingin.
tumingin lang ng diretso, eye level.

sumagot lang ng opo, hindi po, o ng wala po.

hindi na kailangang tumungo, pag sumagot ng opo.
hindi na kailangang umiling, pag sumagot ng hindi po.

makinig ng mabuti sa mga tanong.
normal lang ang pag hinga.
relax.

Relax?
mahirap yatang mag-relax habang sinasabihan ka ng mga katagang ganun.
habang kinakalma ang sarili.
habang iniisip mo kung paano hindi masyadong lumunok.
at kung paano panonormalin ang paghinga.
sakto, pasmado pa ako.

ang hirap nito.
think happy thoughts.

***

mga apat na beses nilang inulit yung set ng mga tanong.
kaya pla ganun yung mga napapanood ko sa tv.
lahat seryoso.
hindi maka-ngisi.
hindi maka-basag pinggan.
lahat takot na baka maapektuhan ang resulta ng test.

gusto ko sanang magpapicture.
habang kumpletong nakakabit sa akin ang lahat ng aparato para sa test.
kaya lang, pinapatay ni ateng pulis yung cellphone ko.

sayang.

nabasa ko na naman ang mga sulat ni nikka.
nkakatuwa talaga sya.
nakaka-engganyo magkwento.
pakiramdam ko, parang nasa harap ko lang siya at sinasabi ang bawat yugto ng buhay nya.
nakakatuwa.
nakaka-miss.
nkakainggit.

sabi nga nya,
and to quote her:
"kung gusto, magagawan ng paraan iyan. Hindi ko pa lang alam kung anong diskarte ang gagawin ko."

pagdating kse sa diskarte, hirap ako.
ang hirap mag decide.
mahirap aksyonan yung mga bagay na pinagdesisyonan mo,
lalo na kung takot kang malaman ang resulta.

yun naman o..
para sayo.

:)

uwi ka na.

sabi nga ng isang kakilala ko,
"kung baga sa paglalakad.. makakarating din tayo sa pupuntahan natin.
may mga bagay na hindi kailangang madaliin.."
hehe..
sa totoo lang medyo nahirapan ako dun.
yun kase ang problema sakin,
sugod agad.

padalos dalos,
kaya ayun laging sumusubsob.

pero tama sya dun..
hindi lahat nadadaan sa mabilisan.
hindi lahat pinipilit mahinog.
may mga bagay na may tamang oras

perfect timing.
tamang pagkakataon.

when does one stops caring?

i was doing a fairly well job on moving forward with my life.
i have my family, i have my friends.
although i lost him, i've learned to accept our fate.
there are just things in life that are not meant to be.
sometimes you just have to learn to let go.

but when does one really stops caring?
does it ever end?
or do you just go on pretending you don't care,
but inside you worry,
too much that it hurts so bad.



***

ilang beses ko na bang sinabi na ayoko na.
makailang beses na siguro..

pero hindi pa rin madala.
hindi ko pa rin maialis yung pakiramdam ng pag-aalala,
na gusto kong maging okay sya.

Had super fun when we were in ilocos!
we ate the famous egado and ilocos longganisa and empanada.
yum!
frolicked along the beach of pagudpod.
seen magnificent old churches,
experienced the windmills,
went on top of the lighthouse and viewed the world.

i love you girls!
mmwah!

"long hair is prettier for you."

it's been almost a year since i last heard that.
guess i miss that.
having someone you'd need to ask preference from.

*sigh*

magkukulot muna ko.
na-miss ko na to.
yung parang hawak ko lahat ng oras ko.
nung mga araw na may panahon pako sa mga tulad nito.



its'a been a month since i've been with the sales team.
kailangan ko nang mag-bear brand.. *kapagod*
(yung mga naka-gets nung joke, tumawa nalang)

naiyak ako nung isang araw sa pagod.
alam ko, i was such a girl for even crying,
but it hit me.
i felt alone, and tired, and restless.
and there's no one i can turn to.

ang drama..
ika nga ng isang kakilala ko.
ang drama ko.
ang drama ko daw?
ehhhh.. wla akong pakialam.
masarap magdrama eh.. hehe.

dlawang tao lang ang nagsabi sakin nun.
si oj at yung kakilala kong yun.

usually pag sinasabi sakin ni oj yun.
nagpapantig ang tenga ko.
dahil hindi pag-ddrama ang pag-express ng nararamdaman.
pero nung narining ko ulit sa iba
yun ba, madrama ba tlga?

hehe. lalake kse kayo.

bicol express

i remember back in gradeschool when our teachers used to bring us to the library and let us borrow one book and read it for a week.
each of us would come running to the nearest table where the librarians scattered all types of readables for kids.
comic books, adventure books, sweet valley kids, fairy tales..
of course, i would always lay my hands on the big bulky ones, where i can read as much as i want in just one book.
i would have a big smile plastered on my face and from then on count the hours till i have to go home and read my treasure.


* * *


i've stumbled upon a story book when i was sleeping over at a friend's house.
she has this outsized book compiled with different children stories.
i smiled at the sight of it.
i've always wanted to have one when i was young, hopeful, and imaginative.

i browsed through it, and came across with The Velveteen Rabbit by McCarthy Cybrary.

here's a peek of the story:



THERE was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid. He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be; his coat was spotted brown and white, he had real thread whiskers, and his ears were lined with pink sateen. On Christmas morning, when he sat wedged in the top of the Boy's stocking, with a sprig of holly between his paws, the effect was charming.

There were other things in the stocking, nuts and oranges and a toy engine, and chocolate almonds and a clockwork mouse, but the Rabbit was quite the best of all.

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

* * *


Isn't that wonderful?
To feel Real.
to have someone see you as you are.
to have someone see you beyond your tattered fur and worn-out seams.
To be Real.
is to feel every thing.
to experience it all.
joy. love. loneliness. pain.
and then it would all be worth it.
because you know
you've done it all.
and you were Real.

there was still this inkling of pain when i talked to him.

after such a long time (months), i still feel the way i feel for him when i last saw his face.

we can't even have a decent conversation.

its either him being a jerk, or me being a lovesick puppy waiting for him to take me back.

but i do miss him.

so.

much.

****

In-House Sales Executive

what have i gotten myself into?

i don't even know if this is the right niche for me.

but i plunged.

and here i am.

i miss my ops mates.

*sigh*

happy father's day!
ate dinner at a shabu-shabu resto at moa awhile ago with my family.
sip a lot of miso soup,
and drank 3 glasses of red iced tea (had to make the best out of it, bottomless eh)

we decided to go straight to trinoma after.
went picture taking.

nearly rubbed elbows with diether ocampo, jake cuenca, and roxanne guinoo
at an elevator.
diet's cute. (great thing he's not so bulky in person)

bought a new globe simcard.
i got it for 50bucks.
with free 50php load, and 50 free texts.
bargain!

***

i stumbled upon twitter.com
how?
well, i followed my stupid heart again..
and there it was.
staring straight at me.

bang.

bang-bang-bang.

it's like gunshots through a puffy pillow.
no noise.
just pain.

no one heard it,
or felt it..
but me.

found two interesting job positions at jobstreet.

journalist copywriter
employee relations associate

sent my resume to both, and hope for a miracle
if a change in career will change my life
then so be it.

i've always wanted to write.
altough, many times i fail to deliver.
i didn't do anything about my passion in writing
because i felt i wasn't good enough.
so i settled on blogs.
on life journals.
on unsent letters.
on phrases stucked on my mind..
and sometimes forgotten.

i have tons of books i never did get to finish.
notebooks, with the only first page used, and the rest left blank.
i have thoughts, phrases, paragraphs, but never a story.
i'm sort of famous for that.
starting something, and not finishing it.
it began as a habit.
and now it became, me.

***

but i do love writing.
it connects me to my soul,
and bridges me to the people i love.

kept me sane.
it kept me sane.

it's been nearly three months since we've been apart.
a month of it with no communication (text, call, or meet-ups) at all
i am missing him terribly but i can't do anything about it.
because if i did, if i dare lift a hand and call him
or open my lips and say "i need you to come back.."
it'll hurt more.

am i doing the right thing..
or am i giving up on the one thing that felt so real to me.

i waited for him for almost over two years.
i guess the waiting has to end one way or another.

it was a fun day.
it was, it really was.

at long last, the gettaway we've been meaning to experience.
the vacay that we all deserve.
although our dear friend pepe missed it.
it would've been such a blast.

that almost two day trip was worth every puyat sessions.
we got to take our loads off from work, stress..
and our exisiting and non-exisiting love problems..

the place was in anilao batangas, known for its amazing diving spots.
of course, due to financial matters, our goal was not to dive
swim swim lang, pwede na.

to put the weekend in a nutshell,
it was fun.
it was, it really was.

can't wait for the next gettaway.
hope the quezon trip is still included in our plans.

bitter act.

nadale na naman ako ng singkit.

i had an itty bitty crush on one of my shuttle buddies.
he's the usual, charming.. funny.. a gentleman.
..and smells good.

until one day, i found him sitting with a girlfriend.
another chinky eyed girlfriend.

***

i still miss him.

and i still punish myself sometimes
by staring through his pictures.. our pictures.
they were fun moments.
*chuckles*

i wonder if he misses me..

(sigh)
does it matter..

`~ ,

*blow kisses and imaginary hugs*

he was my sunshine..

M i s s n a k i t a . . .

kaya mo pa ba.

kaya mo pa.

nakakaya mo naman eh.
you're doin good.
you're doin good.

and he's well.
he's okay.
he's doin great.

so be happy.
you be happy.

excited nako umalis.
magpahinga, magliwaliw, lumayo.
magpakasaya.

may plano kami na pumunta dapat ng Palawan.
it seemed to be too good to be true, with a budget of 4thou, and only 2days free from work.
roro lang, kaya mukhang kakapusin sa oras ng byahe.
punuan daw ang mga resorts ngayon dun, kaya mukhang kakapusin din sa budget.
kaya ayun, the bubble burst.

hindi na kami tumuloy.

but nope, we cannot be stopped.
we are in dire need of a gettaway.

and so, here comes Quezon.
with a lower budget.
and a more realistic approach.

fare lang ang gagastusin, and a little on food.
kakilala ng kakilala yung may ari.
kaya may mga freebies.

mag lalantsa pa daw pagdating sa quezon para makapunta sa island.
now it's getting me thrilled again.
excited na naman ako.

sana makasama si eileen.

happy birthday to my dear dear

resa mate
back mate
banat mate
hirit mate
dahak mate
laughing mate
singing mate
nose bleed mate
stay up all night mate
kachokaran mate

aylabshu friendship!!

ipaskil ang dalangin sa pisara ng hangin
kasabay ng wakas ng isang panaginip
agiw sa isip
itago ko man
mahirap gawin na ikaw ay limutin

hanggang dito nalang
handa kang sumuko sa unang pagbitiw
matutunan ko sana
lumayo sa huling sandali

hanggang dito nalang
wag na nating isulat ang maraming mali
kung hindi makayanan
tumalikod nalang
palayo sa huling sandali

i'm jumping up and down
clapping and all smiles
bursting with fruit flavors

i can't contain it
i am so happy.


***

is this what you want me to do.

ang kulit mo, wag mong ilalagay sa friendster
yung mga pics kong hindi nakatingin
dahil masasapak tlga kita.
ang daming oras kong hinintay na magpost ka ng picture ko
sa friendster mo,
pero hindi eto yun.
sadakong sadako. gulo gulo ang buhok.
anuba stressed ako nyan.

hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang ngayon
may part pa rin ng buhay ko
na ikaw pa rin ang nagpapatakbo
kaya eto.. sinusunod pa rin kita..

o yan pwede na ba yan.
pinost ko na ha, sa blog pa.