Life's questions

it's been a long day.

had dinner with jacq, eileen and cams right after their dance practice.
every one was tired, so it was easy for each of us to let out our angst
from work
from colleagues
from existing and non-existing love life
and from life in general.

got home around past 10 in the evening.
Tony called.
and heard the same story i just had over dinner.

"How can life be so unfair?"
"I've given so much, why don't i receive anything in return?"
"I want to be really happy just like every one else, when's my turn going to be?
"Where should I go, What should I do, Who should i run to?"
the many questions we all store in our minds and keep in our hearts.

are we asking for the wrong questions,
or are we looking for the answers we only want to hear?

and i realized..
we have all been warned.
by our elders,
our friends,
our textbooks,
our music,
our surroundings,
our experiences in Life..
"looks can be deceiving."
"not all that glistens, is gold."
"the best things in life are free."

not everything that's best for us is laid in a beautiful grand package
(like a bundle of us would have expected it to be..)
in most times, the best things are found in places we would not envision them to be.
and some times, it is in appreciating the simple things, that matters most.

I know that life can be hard,
but i also know this,
Life can mean so much more, if we'd only give it a chance.
It's not about who gets more, and who gets less.
why don't we have that, and why don't we have this.
The world does not owe us anything.
maybe,
the reason why we are so unhappy with our lives is because we keep on chasing for the wrong things that we thought will make us happy.
maybe because, we are too blind to see what is right in front of us,
or too ignorant to feel the present gently laid upon us.
just at out reach, silently waiting for us to grab it, and embrace it.

---

The Bible says,
"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise
to bring you back to this place.
For i know the plans i have for you,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me,
and come and pray to me,
and i will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
-Jeremiah 29:10-13

we've all been trying to search for an answer to satisfy all our needs.
And all the while, i realize the answer is in this scripture.

unsent

Hi panget,

i missed you, just today.

you were once my familiar, and now it feels like we are strangers to each other. it seems as though you're happy now... That's really great, wonderful even. At least for now, i don't have to worry.

i'm sleeping well now.
and alone nights stopped to be such a torture.
i don't see you anymore in every love song i hear.
and i started to laugh again.. really laugh.

i miss you though.
we were friends once, and i miss having you around.
i miss our long walks, and having meals with you.
you were the brute who introduced me to jap food *laughs*
i will never forget that.

i miss your hugs, panget.

but some good things have to end,
so we can make room for greater things.

you have made me a better person, in more ways you know.
i will never regret you.

you take care,
Ola

the first time i fall in love was long ago
i didn't know how to give my love at all.
the next time i settled for what felt so close
but without romance, you're never gonna fall
after everything i've learned,
now it's finally my turn
this is the last time i'll fall... in love.

the first time we walked under that starry sky
there was a moment when everything was clear
i didn't need to ask or even wonder why
because each question is answered when you're near
and i'm wise enough to know when a miracle unfolds
this is the last time i'll fall in love.

now don't hold back, just let me know
could i be moving much too fast or way too slow
cause all my life, i've waited for this day
to find that once in a lifetime
this is it, i'll never be the same
you'll never know what it's taken me to say these words,
and now that i've said them, they could never be enough
as far as i can see, there's only you and only me.

this is the last time i'll fall in love.
last time i'll fall in love.
the last time i'll fall... in love.

The Last Time
-Eric Benet

I was talking to bes on the phone
when he played Eric Benet's The Last Time on the background.
I imagined myself having "my one" say those words to me.
I would have cried right then and there, if it was not bes that i was speaking to..
"ganda bes no.." he said.
"yes.." was my reply..
"do you still believe in that bes?.. loving someone and knowing she will be your last," I asked him.
he said yes.
I do too.

I was already on the verge of giving up on love.
somehow forever just seemed so distant, that it doesn't stand a chance to the world.
and then, this song revived me.
amazing how a simple composition can bring one back to life.

I have this knack for cheesiness.
a desire to be baduy.
If marrying means spending the rest of my life with "my one"
then give me kabuduyan, and i'll embrace it with open arms.

I searched for the lyrics of the song first thing in the morning,
and lo and behold, there it is.
the words of my beloved.
(whoever he is)

:-)