: )

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. Because you can't remember a time when it wasn't. But then one day, you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize, you're happy."
-Lucas (One Three Hill)

hindi ko rin alam kung bakit..
but sometimes people choose to wallow in their sadness.
is it because we are afraid?
afraid to be finally happy,

only to lose it again.

space between

Space between.
What is this void between us?
I feel this narrow space of bottomless solitude.
A single mistake can lead me to fall off the edge.
It can be my reason of death.
Falling.
And no one to catch me.
So close, yet out of reach.
A promise i cannot have.
A dream doomed to stand alone.

My Good Friday Guy

i've spoken with someone interesting through ym.
i didnt expect that time would really pass by so quickly.
we finished at around past three in the morning.

I've never had a decent conversation with a same-aged (or so) Christian guy before.
he was different.
He was no saint, but he spoke about God,
and how he's guilty for sinning.
And sometimes he bargains with God, like I do.
(not sure if that was a good thing)
*chuckles*
he said he's doing something, he shouldn't be doing, but cant help but doing.
(anudaw??)
it drives me crazy just thinkin about it.
(maybe i'll ask him about it again, and get some more clues.)

He's fairly attractive,
just the right height, nice eyes, matipuno (di nya alam yung word na matipuno.. hehe)
modest.. polite.. sporty..
and he loves dogs! :)

i dont know him too well, but i can say, he's a good guy.
besides he was able to jump in my wagon of senseless thoughts.
gotta give him props for that.
*laughs*

***
sigh...
and why was i talking about him again?
Oh.. right.
i was just saying,
i think he's a good guy, and.. i'm looking forward to our next conversation.
i just hope he's not too busy.

beginning

it gets easier
when you realize your worth..
when you learn you don't have to settle for less..
when you believe you deserve better.

it gets easier

when you realize that you cannot give anything you don't have.

when you finally accept that you can be loved.
when you decide to love yourself as well.

and then you start hoping again.

:)

-for joe, cams, kaye, almira, ava and me

a number of Firsts

Come 8a.m.

it was my first time to check-in at the airport on my own.
it's just a domestic flight, so its not such of a big thing,
but still, a first time is a first time.

i found myself people watching again,
while trying to figure out what next step i was supposed to do.
which should i do first?
the checking-in, or the paying of the terminal fee?
where the heck is the check-in booth and the baggage counter??
(im a big wreck when it comes to these kind of things)
i forget almost everything, as if it was my first time to travel as well.

i was scolding myself as i felt my heart beating faster,
Ola, this is the third time you're going to do this,
What, Are you suddenly suffering from a bad case of amnesia??"
i was panicking a little,
Well, what if I am!!! This is my first time, alone!
san ka na ba almira... pls hurry up.
i knew i was already over-reacting..
so i calmed my nerves and found myself laying eyes on a sign board.

i saw it, finally. Cebu pacific: Puerto Princessa
"Ahh.. there it is."
there was a long line forming.
(but the flight to Kalibo was much much longer)
most of the travelers are couples.
i was a bit jealous, to be honest.
while, I.. I was the only lone backpacker.

i was already contemplating on whether to board the flight or not, just in case almira will be excessively late.
i was preparing myself for the worst.
to my relief, almira made it right on time.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..

i can smile now. :)

fast forward >>>>>>>>>>>

Highlights of our gettaway:

Butterfly Farm

first time i saw cocoons.it's a bit icky. but it's amazing to see them in groups. and I saw a lot of butterflies too! good thing they just flew over or pass me. (scared of insects).





the under ground river.


another first! although its my second time to enter a cave (my first one was in sagada), this would be my first time to explore with us in a boat. it was quite a long trip. we have to travel by land for about two hours, and then board a banka for 20mins.




limestones:

palawan is also famous for their limestones, and so we cannot pass up the chance to take a shot.





Kalui's

Fear Factor Challenge: to eat Tamiluk, a local delicacy. The main ingredient? .~' worms.'
"Almira.. do we really have to do this.. parang di ko yata kaya.."
"Ola, ang arte mo ha.. nandito na tayo eh.." She said it's a must that we try, it's part of the tour.
i heaved a sigh.. i realized, i wont be able to get out of this one..
"Kuya, chopstick pls.."
.
...
I knew we were going to regret this, the moment the waiter laid our feast of worms on the table.
it doesn't even look a bit tasty.
Almira insisted that i go first.
"bat ako..."
i didnt have enough strength to argue, so i figured i might as well go for it.
Just pick the shortest darn thing, shove it to you mouth, and swallow.
don't think about it.
dont taste it.
Just swallow.

Well, okay.. here goes..
"...Ulk.."
i tried my hardest to push it down my throat.
"...Uggghh.. cold... and slimy.. tastes like worm.... Ugghh.." i washed the after-taste with my Sprite.
Almira, was smiling like a little kid.
Grin all you like, you're next.

It was a success!!! we were able to eat a whopping 2 worms (one for each!)
*applause*

and gave the rest to manong tricycle driver.

Back to Reality

just got back from an hour and so flight from Puerto Princessa Palawan.
"Aaaaahh.. back to the city..
back to my old reality.."
although i missed my girlfriends at work,
i can't stop myself from feeling down.
i can feel my body tensed
as the calming effect of the clear blue sky, and pristine waters of palawan quickly expired.
Coming back, i was reminded of the life a left 4 days ago:
waking up early (i know, i know, i'm sooooo lazy..)
filling up blockings (and its choking me to death)
another sales meeting tom (don't have anything to report)
it means..
another... dragging.... day.....
and to add weight to my misery,
i have no buck to spend for the days to follow.

if there's one worse thing in my life, it's work.
is it a crime to say,
"i hate my job."
and everyone who's tired of hearing me complain silently asks,
"then why the hell are you still staying, stop whining, and get out of that shithole."
"i can't leave.. yet.
we don't have a corporate sales rep..
i'll miss my friends.. i know i'll just be miserable without them..
i don't know where else to go, what kind of work i'll do..
or maybe i know,
but i don't know how to get there..
what if i'll make the wrong decision..
i'm scared.."
is it a bigger crime to admit,
that leaving my job
scared the living lights out of me.

creating my own bucket list (things to do before i kick the bucket)
inspired by the movie.

it's still not complete yet.
making a list on my "not-on-line-journal"
will post it here as soon as i finished.

-----

ava wont be able to come with us to Palawan.
i was disappointed.
we have been waiting and dreaming of this for days and days..
and then in a snap, she's not coming.
my excitement level went from insanely excited to just plain excited.
it just won't be the same without her.

but never the less.
the trip would be just me, and my dear dear friend almira.
she has always been one of those friends i have, that i know i can never afford to lose.
and i'm thankful despite our "busy" schedules, we still have time to see each other.
i worry a lot about her these days.. (nahawa na yata ako.. hehe)
i'm a bit scared, i wont be able to cheer her up.
this is supposed to be the "forget-about-the-world-we-got-back-home" kind of trip.
so i sure don't want to mess this up.