twiddler's care

i keep waiting for my life to get to the "amazing part" but i can't seem to get there.
always on the outside looking in.

God,
Have i become the person you would've wanted me to be?

stop me

advise nang lahat.
"i-enjoy mo lang.. have fun. H'wag ka masyadong pa-apekto."

But i cant.
No matter how hard i try not to, i still end up doing exactly the opposite.
i'm not structured that way.
i react.
i feel things.
okay, i guess at most times, more than what's expected.
but that's how i am. That's how i am built.
I cant just transform into somebody different overnight.
and think, i can just do this?
that i can just fly by this whole situation and end up not getting hurt.

every one will say (in unision),
"You have brought this upon yourself.."

I have, and i dont know how to stop.

saturday

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..

when you hear a sound like that,

you know there's some thing.
now what that 'some thing' is,
that's the thing that'll keep our minds brewing.

can be a good thing,
or can be the 'other-not-so-good-thing' thing.

So what is it.. that thing Thing??
(haha, confused na ako.)

there's always reasons behind these heavy long sighs.

and i cant seem to point a finger on it
or equate them into words.

sometimes its hard to find words to express the moments,
events,
or feelings
that meant everything to you.
most of the time, words cant even give justice.

so you settle with a sigh.
and hope to God, someone hears it.

***

i've been drinking a lot of coffee lately
i am convinced, caffeine does not affect me anymore.
but i give it a try anyway.

sometimes i find myself caught in the nasty web of extremes
pulling me back and forth to two different poles.
not thinking or over-thinking.
hating or loving
being too caring or being too apathetic
do i let the chips fall where they may
or do i fight for what i deserve?

it feels like the world is playing a trick on me.
and i seem to be on the losing end.
but we all know (from experience) the 'seemingly seems' may not always be the reality
in most cases,
they always turn out to be the opposite of what really is.

i know i have a choice...
i guess, i just have to make one
to win.

Birtday Celeb of ED and Cams at CME

*kaching* *kaching*
600 bucks flew out of my (already flat) wallet faster than the speed of light.
Whaaaaa.. How.. whaaadaheck did just happen??
i just bought chichis, 3 liters pepsi max, an ice tea pack, cheesedogs, and sisigs in cans.
that's all it, and it nearly cost me my life savings (okay, i'm exagerrating)
although our snacks and breakfast (for 9 hungry peeps) crippled my financial stability,
it felt nice knowing i'm providing for the nourishment of 9 growing kids jacq has to accommodate at her condo.
besides that's the least i can do for all the support they have generously given me for the past 3 years. (thanks friends, ayan ha natikman nyo na rin ang dugot pawis ko, maalat alat pa! sorry nalang sa mga di nkatikim. better luck next time.)

********

after doing some grocery shopping, our growling stomachs led us to (walang kamatayang finger-licking goooood) KFC. "mag-bucket tayo. mas mura." everyone agreed. we did some nifty computation to assure us of the damage. haaaaay.. wala na tlgang mura ngayon sa mundo.. we all end up buying one piece chicken meal for each, and settled for that. gagastos pa bukas eh~

********

lancaster, jacq's place:
aircon not working (we were warned)..
our warm breaths circulating the room,
and sweats forming on our foreheads (and yes, on other hidden places too).
we decided to cool ourselves and headed to the open pool of the building.
we're not supposed to be there, but no one has to know right?
hmmm.. the cold breeze caressing our faces, and with a nice view of the ortigas skyline. (Hellow SM!)
just perfect to complement a healthy Q&A/catching up/squeezing-some-juices out of our dear friends.

it's fun to argue.
it takes the angst out, and clears the mind.
of course what better topic than the differences of the two species God has so cleverly and intricately made:
Men and Women.
We all know it, and we all can't deny it.
there's a universe of difference between these two. but that doesn't mean, we can leave it laying flat like that, and continue with our lives looking (and heading) at different directions. Compromise.
It's all about learning from each other, and growing together.
It's pushing yourself to be better.
It's trying and wanting to understand.
It's extending not just only the tip of your fingers, but offering the strength of your arms.
We do not only enter in a relationship just to be accepted,
but also to be challenged to take those crucial steps of getting out of our comfort zone
and becoming the best person we can be.

********

ahhhhhhh.. tired finally.
but minds still racing.. and so much to kid around for. (daming baon na jokes at kwento)
i missed this.
and so we talked and talked and talked, until our eyes can't take it anymore.
i woke up with the smell of cheesedogs and sisig.
and discovered, i was the last woman (nope, not standing) sleeping.
we all ate breakfast. watched (mild daw sabi ni fej) porn. (hey we're just curious!)

took some pictures to start the day, and went off to CME (Club Manila East) for the main event.

********

Highlights of the day:

First Dip: Ahhhhhh.. our first summer gettaway of the year with the group. got excited at testing and dipping into the waters.


Kayaking: all went kayaking except for me and anna. haaaaaaay.. wrong decision. (im scared i might fall off) but i had fun taking their pictures. i had some great shots.

Wave Pool: whaaaaaa... scared at first, but got the hang of it as mins flew by. it was quite tiring, but it's the collective effort of the group that made the experience a lot of fun (minus people nudging your chest, or accidentally knocking your head, and inhaling pool water into your nose).


Pool Charades: hahaha. definitely my most favorite activity of the day. (minigraine ako dun) can't decide on who the best player is, whether it's jacq for the doing the 'sounds like' action of typing in a computer.. only to learn that its friendster supposed to be sounding like "forest". (ay oo jacq, gets namin yun!) or Feji, for acting out Swan Princess, and seeming like a Pope, Duke, and a big Dragon, or Eileen for being able to guess the answer "Babangon Ako, at Dudurugin Kita" in one action. haaaaaaaay.. Super Laugh trip!

********

it was a weekend to remember. a nice way to start off a great summer.

ένα χτύπημα στην ήδη σημαδεμένη καρδιά μου.

When's my Next?

everybody's seem to be having their fair share of summer fun.
wonder when's mine gonna be.

i need my (once in a while) dose of sea, sand, and sun.
it feels like my last one
(island hopping at puerto princessa with my dearie almira)
happened eons of months ago.
i'm already itching for my next big trip.

***

My Donsol gettaway was a burst bubble.
what's supposed to be an experience with butandings
turned into an affair of idle time at work and brewing a plan on how to snatch my new crushie.
dont i have any better things to do???

haaaaaaay, i definitely need my vitamins..
re-living my bora vacation with ava, marian, and wanna..
as i peek into jani's bora album at multiply.
ahhh.. a place of heaven.




Come Sunday.
Club Manila East will be our paradise.

oh well, if i can't have the beach just yet,
a trip to the pool will do. :)
i may not have the view, but i can have all the laughter i need.
hey, i got my GF girls with me, what more can i ask for.