I dreamt last night,
I was in the arms of someone that I love,
and loves me back.
And in my dream, I confessed my feelings like saying hello to an old-time friend.
In return, he smiled, and hugged me in the most comforting way.
He held me close, rubbed my hair, and said he felt the same.

but unlike in dreamland,
doing things your way, does not always work in the real world.
because if you do,
most often than not, it backfires.

you do things your way,
and you end up sleeping with wet pillows,
and waking up with big puffy eyes.

Where the Love lasts Forever - Hillsong United

Your mercy found me
upon the broken road
and lifted me beyond my failing.
Into your glory
my sin and shame dissolved
and now forever yours I'll stand.

In love never to end
to call you more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

So i throw my life upon all that you are
cause I know you gave it all for me.
And when all else fades
my soul will dance with you,
where the love lasts forever.

Dibidi, Bisidi, Dibidi, Bisidi.

A night after suffering a terrible migraine,
(Oh God, let this be just another one of those migraines. - this is me, being paranoid.)
I decided to take the day off and skip work (yey).

With my head still heavy,
i popped in some of those pirated dvds my brother stocks in his room.
porn. no..
porn. no..
Lord of the Rings trilogy. too long..
Twilight. Very Bad copy..
Prison Break. not in the mood.. too much men.
CSI. had enough of Ted Failon's case.. too depressing.
One Three Hill.. not working, argh.
Benjamin Button.. so, so.
Transporter.
Click.
Movie by Clint Eastwood.
Bang Bus 3. another porn. no.. no.. no.. and no!
Where in my sweet perv brother's name is Slumdog Millionaire?
rummaging, rummage, rummage, rummaging. (kunwari may tunog)
Ahhh.. Before Sunset.. Can be.
Although I would rather watch again Before Sunrise, the sequel will do.

I've always liked the thought of how two different people meet in one unpremeditated place (Paris wouldn't be at all bad.. c: )
exchanged ideas and realized they're with someone they feel like they've been with all of their lives.

I guess that's what I'm looking for as well.
Sometimes when I'm alone, or when i travel, or at some random new place,
I imagine myself bumping into some (decent) stranger
he'll say somethin funny, and we'll talk, and we'll get to know each other.
We'll speak our mind, and we can just talk about anything,
and not get embarrassed.. or conscious.
and he will listen.. really listen.

And he'll speak about his thoughts, his views,
it may seem stupid, or smart, or amusing, or senseless, or it may mean the world
and i may even disagree about it, and he, vise versa to my views.
and it's still going to be.. okay.

we'll be serious, and we'll be laughing,
and we can be silent..
and the time spent together will still fly by.

And this is me, by the way, being cheesy and romantic.

I guess I still have'nt found that person.
And maybe if I do,
i'll ask him to marry me.. Fast.

(sana bago mag December.. HAHA. Iba na panahon ngayon! )
Hehe.

Courage id Facing Fear in the Eye

Alan Cohen:

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

Browsing through the net, i came across profiles of old friends, acquaintances, and some familiar faces. And they say, change is inevitable. They sure have all changed.

I stopped, and checked myself..

What has happened to me in the past years? Did I changed into a person I can be proud of? Have I become the person I've always wanted to be?

Let's see.. I've always wanted to:

be a writer... cross
be a pre-school teacher... cross
be a professional singer... cross cross.
be a clinical psychologist.. cross
be a wife, a mother.. not yet.

be fit, with firm arms, legs, and a killer abs... need more motivation.
be more confident... check
be more independent... partly check.
be more organized... cross.
be more friendly... check.
be wiser... check.

travel more... check.
gain real friends and lose the fake ones... check.
learn how to drive... cross.
learn how to swim... cross.
learn how to cook... trying.
learn how to listen... check.
hate less and to love more... check.
say what I mean, and mean what I say... check.
do the things I am afraid to do... check (some, haha).

Heights. I am afraid of Heights. Walking at an overpass. Leaning over from a 5th floor and above. Riding elevators going over 20th floor. Anchor's Away. Plane rides. Anything that has something to do with my two feet not touching a stable ground. Name it, and you won't find me in my happiest mood.

I was able to face that fear in the eye when we were at Cagayan De Oro. I figured, in my 25th year, I should, by all means, learn to live outside my comfortzone and be able to survive it. All my life i've been trying to be safe.. avoiding being hurt and living a very normal, boring life. And I guess, with that, I realized i was wasting too much of precious time. Life is too short, to be wasted sitting on a rock.

And so I did it.

We went Canopy walking (braving a canopy bridge, below a hundred feet abyss), rapelling, and zip lining (the slide of life). Okay, I was quite the cause of delay of the group. But I was trying. Fear is a bit hard to fight with. A battle not too easy to win. We also braved 14 rapids of the famous CDO river. Armed with only a paddle, a dependable life vest, and a hopeful heart, cramped in a raft (good for only 7 - 8 people), we survived the challenge of the river for a good 2 hours and a half. Then after, We finished with thumping hearts and high spirits. We did it. I did it. I made it out.. Alive. and Changed.

I knew I was a better person after.

And from then on, I knew I can be better.
I can do more, and be better.

And I knew, I'm still afraid of so many things.
But now i know, I can conquer them, if I need to.. If i want to.

:)

Our God is a Mighty God!

Naks.

sabi sayo eh, do your best, and God will do the rest.

Grats Bes! proud of ya! :)

For The Meantime

A fave Forwarded E-mail.

What's a Meantime Girl?

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One".
You know, she's the one who you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.

But she's cool , and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Silver Year

I'm an Aquarius.
born 4th of February, 1984.

Hurray.
It's my Birthday.
25th Birthday, to be exact.

parang ngayon lang yata nangyari to..
It's my day.. but it feels like it's not.

Problem sa bahay.
Problem sa pera.
Problem sa friend.
Problem sa office.
tumatanda ng walang ipon,
wala pang love life.

haaay.. anubayan.


I opened my yahoo mail, and read my daily horoscope.
wala lang.. i don't really believe in them, pero natutuwa lang akong basahin sya once in a while.

"You shouldn't feel guilty or bad about saying no. In fact, embrace your freedom and ability to stand on your own two feet. Time is tight, so when you're asked to take on more work, consider declining the offer. You need plenty of social space right now."

Haha.
sakto yun ah.

yes.. i need space.
ika nga ni Twinkle.. "Can I breathe?"

itutuloy ko ang leave and travel ko, whatever happens.
i deserved it.
Bahala na pag-uwi.

Happy Birthday Bes.

I waited for the clock to strike 12.
I could have slept all the way through, as the girls and I just got home from Batangas.
but I just couldn't bear not to greet you, first thing.

While lying in bed, I grabbed the magic 8th ball from my bag and with my eyes wide shut, I silently asked..
"Is bes with Sheen now?"
Shook the ball for just a bit, and with one eye half-open, I read the answer.
--Without a doubt.
Oh, just perfect. Pasaway talaga.
"Should I call to greet him?"
--Yes.
"Would he be happy if I called?"
--It is certain.

That was it for me.
Everyone, deserves a 12 a.m. greeting-call on their birthday, right?
I decided, waiting for 30mins more, will be worth it.

12:00 a.m. 19January 2009.
My phone blasted it's alarm.
*alarm* Bes 25. *alarm*

I picked up my phone, and dialed your number.
You answered with a warm smile.
"Hi bes! :)"
"Hi bes, Happy Birthday. :)"

I can hear you were busy.
And from then on it was confirmed, you were indeed with her.

Of course.

You said she was the first to greet you.
I was late. Again.

It felt weird.
you sounded happy, but i didn't know if it was the real deal.
i wanted it to be, but I'm not sure if you were with the right person.

I quickly said my goodbyes and take cares.
you replied with a lot of thankyous and a big smile.
I knew you were having a great time.
and I guess.. that was enough for me.

Although I still do not think that she is the best girl for you,
i didn't dare to spoil your mood.
What can I say, it's YOUR day bes.
You deserved that smile on your face, and that twinkle in your eye.
that sweet hug.
that warm tug on your hand.
that moment, when you can just forget everything.
and that 12 a.m. birthday company.

---
bukas nalang kita sesermonan.