haaaaaaaaaaaaay..
i've never been so broke like i am right now.

i cashed out 3,600 from my atm.
that's the whole bulk of it.
my two weeks of sweat and blood.

i have to pay Marian PhP2,950 due 3oth of Oct.
great, that leaves me 650.
ate a 50 peso sandwhich at LKG,
bought myself a 150 worth of eye glasses (it's so cheap i just had to buy it, only need to change the lenses),
55 bucks for my shuttle ride home.
the next day..
borrowed a hundred from my sister.
43 bucks for my jeep and shuttle ride to work,
ate a double cheeseburger meal at mc do for 90 (starving!),
35 bucks on my way home,
shell out PhP260 for my tithes (kulang pa nga ng 100 pa dapat),
and for my guilty pleasure, 100 for my Globe load.
(-33) pa. extra money ang pang dagdag.

haaaaaaays..
need money.
Lord, help me.

You Would Not Pick Your Boyfriend Again!

When you and your boyfriend first met, things were different. And now that the initial chemistry has worn off, you're finding that he's not right for you. As much as it hurts, you know that you need to let him go - and find someone worthy of your love. The good news is, you can be happier. You just have to make it happen.

Would You Pick Him Again?

after adding me to friendster (which i accepted),
tin sent me a message saying "hi"

is she being nice
or is she doing this to spite me?

hindi ko alam..
ayoko nang mag-isip.
ayoko nang makaramdam ng kahit anong galit..
nang inggit..
o nang sakit..
i've had more than enough of my share of pain and heartaches,
ayoko nang dagdagan pa.

i loved him, and i cannot change the reality that maybe i'll always will.
my letting go phase is long over due.
it's nearly 8 months since then.
haha.. sobrang tagal na..

but i know that i'm okay now.
i'm going to be alright.
that realization came when my nights stopped being such a torture,
and i was able to sleep with my pillow dry.
i seldom cry now (i still do sometimes but only when i miss him terribly).


my friends kept on telling me.
"ano ba ola,
siya pa rin ba, sobrang tagal na nyan ah."
*chuckles* kahit ako, natatawa nalang sa sarili ko.

hindi na sya.
he's no longer the person that i want to be with and have 5 kids with.
he's no longer the face i see myself growing old with.
hindi ko na pinipilit na gawin sya ang tao na yun.

pero mahal ko pa rin sya.
he was my squishy.
at kahit anong gawin ko,
he will always be this one person who became a big part of who i was.
he has always been my life.
and now my life is living a life of his own.

and i guess that is enough for me to be happy.. for him.
for the past years, all i do was to search a way for him to feel that happiness.

he found his way back.

now it's time for me to find my own.

Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora.
it has the most fine sand i've ver laid my feet on.
we went beach hopping.
gone snorkeling, and fed the little fishies.
experience water crashing to our feet while parau sailing.
watched breath taking sunsets.
burried our feet and made sand crocs.
sunbathe.
wore braids and bikinis.
shopped pasalubongs (till we dropped).
munched on food like queens.
sipped our favorite Jonahs' shakes.
watched endless 24/7 PBB.
and
took beautiful pictures together having a blast.
Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora. Bora.

my boss asked me to see him in the conference room.
syet.. may kasalanan na naman ba ko..
i closed the door and silently prayed for a life saver.
please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeaaaassse...
do not let this be my demise.

*whew*
he's approving my vacation leave.
i was waiting for this since the moment I passed my VL form
alas.
Bora, here I come!!! :)

"Ola.. i also need to talk to you about one more thing.."
there was a hesitation in his voice.
my throat felt dry, as i squinted and covered my mouth with my big notebook
"uh.. is it about my lates?..."
He chuckled..
"No, but i'll addressed that some other time.. How was your trip to crame?
Crame.
the slight thought of the place disgusts me.
it's the only place where i felt like i was treated unfairly.
it felt like they already have this notion of me being a criminal
and one little mistake could be my ticket to prison.

"Okay naman, sir.. It was quite an experience. I was a bit nervous at first, but at the end i was laughing all about it."
He chuckled again. Another hesitation..
"I hate to be the one to tell you this.. but.. you failed the exam.."
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????
I cannot believe what I've just heard.
How can I possibly fail it??
"You'll have to go there, and re-take the test.."
I looked at my boss with worried eyes.
not sure if he noticed, but i felt my eyes watering.
I shrugged it off by laughing.
How in the world did that happen...
he assured me that the management is not treating the lie detector exam as a basis of pin-pointing of who's the culprit.
but even though he kept on feeding me with comforting words,
it still feels like I was put in a man-hole
and I can't seem to find my way out.

*sigh*
great, just great.
*sigh*
itawa mo nalang.
at least, I still have my (pampalubag loob) vacation leave.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success.
Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today.
This is the man who discovered electricity.
You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear.
Fear of failure,
fear of rejection,
sometimes the fear is just of making a decision,
because what if you're wrong?
What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?
The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost.
We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time,
heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.
Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves.
We have to make our own mistakes.
We have to learn our own lessons.
We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore.
Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant.
That knowing is better than wondering,
that waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure,
even the worst,
beat the hell out of never trying.

-Meredith Grey "Grey's Anatomy

there was still a prick in my heart.
when i read on how you longed to be with her and hold her hand,
the way she brightens your every day,
and the way she seem to make you feel complete.

maybe it hurts, because i know.. that someone is not me.
and a part of me just can't seem to accept that.
but i guess the good new is
a big part of me is happy... finally.

happy because you have fallen in love.
and you are living your life once again.
it is my hope for you to find that gift.
and i pray for you to never lose it.

you have always been my fire, j.
i have loved you from the very start.
and i'll always will.

i miss you.

"hi, i think this will be my very first testimonial for you... actually i was compelled to write something really moving about you, but even the dictionary wasn't able to give me such words to describe you and your personality. i find it weird, and hard to believe that you could stare at me and never get tired, talk with me over the phone without having any specific topic at all, yet contented to spend lots of time on the phone. i can't see what's the thing about me that amazes you, and things you want to know more about me. i don't know why you want to hold me near you, i don't know what you see in my eyes... but this i know i'll do... i will never ever leave you... and this i know is true... i will always love you..."

-13March2005 12:19pm



a testimonial i got from squishy 2years ago.
God, it has been that long..

Oj has always been a big part of my life.
And he still is.
kahit hindi na kami nagkikita
or nakakapag-usap katulad ng dati.
*smile* naalala ko..
halos araw araw kaming magkasama.
kahit pagod sa trabaho..
kahit walang pera.
kung bad trip.
kung masaya.
takbuhan namin ang isat-isa.

na-miss ko yun.

ngayon, may kanya kanya na kaming mundo..
at may mga panahon pa rin na hindi ko mapigilan
isipin kung kamusta na siya..

He has always been my baby.
i never called him that before
but he was.
i was always protective of him.
tnanong nya sa testi nya kung anong nakita ko sa kanya..
and this is what i saw..
i saw "HIM"
a little boy yearning for love.
not every one may understand him.
and he may be hard to crack..
but behind his great big wall, i saw a little child.
who was just afraid..
who was alone..
who needed someone to comfort him and be there for him.
Me?
well, i just know that i was led there for a reason.
so i took him in,
with open arms.

there were no regrets.

i have been very blessed with friends and family.

narealize ko.. ang malas ko talaga, pagdating sa love life.
lahat puro tagilid.
pero pagdating sa kaibigan at pamilya,
para akong nanalo sa lotto.

ganun siguro tlga.
hindi pwedeng lahat na sayo.
(pagbigyan naman daw yung iba)

haaaaay kaya kung minsan..
kung broken hearted.
itawa nalang.
lumabas.
kumain.
makipag kwentuhan sa mga kaibigan, kapatid, nanay, tatay, pinsan.

akala mo katapusan na ng mundo.
pero hindi pala.
may iba pang mga tao na dapat mo ring pasalamatan
na dapat ring ipagdiwang dahil nandyan sila sa buhay mo.

wag ka nang umiyak
sa mundong pabago bago
pag-ibig ko ay totoo
ako ang iyong bangka
kung magalit man ang alon ng panahon
sabay tayong aahon

kung wala ka nang maintindihan
kung wala ka nang makapitan
kumapit ka sa akin
kapit ka sa akin
hindi kita bibitawan

wag ka nang umiyak
mahaba man ang araw
uuwi ka sa yakap ko
wag mo nang damdamin
kung wala ako sa iyong tabi
iiwan ko ang puso ko sayo
at kung pakiramdam mo
ay wala ka nang kakampi
isipin mo ako
dahil puso't isip ko'y na sa 'yong tabi

-sugarfree