prayers

shut my eyes tight. hands clasped. and prayed. hard.
"Lord.. i just.. want him to be happy."

hindi ko na lang iniisip kung sya na nga ba ang huli.
kung sya na ba ang binigay sa akin ng Diyos.
basta ang alam ko, gusto ko syang maging masaya.
ayokong nakikita syang malungkot.. o nasasaktan.

i've once asked God for a favor. i bargained someone i loved for something that i asked for.
kya ayun-- binawi ni Lord si koi.

now, i'm bargaining again..
"..Lord, kahit humingi kayo ng kapalit.. okay lang.. just take away all his pain.."

i went out of the church, feeling a lightness in my heart.
Narinig kaya ako ni Lord..
Haaaaay.. ikaw na po ang bahala.

***
sana tumawag sya mamaya.

Quote of the day:
"Love, is above all, the gift of oneself."

sakto.
kakapanood ko lang ng meteor garden kanina.
the scene: hinayaan ni daomingsi na bugbugin sya ng mga kaaway nya para hindi nila masaktan si sanchai.
"kung lalaban ako, magwawala ako.. hindi kita maproprotektahan."
awwwwwwww... si dao tlgaaaaa.. aylavyu na.

****

mamaya, may aerokaebo ako.
areobics-karate-taebo
sinubanamang halimaw ang hindi papayat sa ganitong klaseng exercise.
eh kahit yata muscles ko sa alak-alakan gumagalaw.
kung sinusuwerte, magkakasix-pack na nga yata ako sa batok.

diet, exercise, and a lot of water.
go ola, kaya mo pa yan!!

****

*sigh*

bat wala pa rin tumatawag.
i need a job.
dati, hindi ko inakala na mag-aaply na kaagad ako.
akala ko, gugustuhin kong magpahinga ng mga ilang buwan.
pero ewan ko..
it just feels good having the power to take control of my life.
i was thinking..
this is it, this is my chance to prove myself to everyone.
and to myself
na kaya ko, na magaling ako.

pero bakit ganon, wla pa rin tumatawag..

sabi ni tina, accenture's considering my application for HR staff.
*waiting*
come on, phone.. ring.

gulf airlines: mukha namang positive ang response nung interviewer sakin.
she seemed interested.
and i tried my best to give a good impression.
gusto ko sa mga airlines, dahil gusto kong mag-travel.
i want to see the world.
gusto kong mpuntahan yung 8 wonders of the world.

seen the rice terraces.
i never thought it could be that beautiful, but it is.
ang ganda tlga ng mundo..
well.. sabi nga namin nila ava and almira,
"7 more to go!"

*sigh*
they say the best things come to those who wait.
haaaaaay, Lord.. ikaw na po bahala.

foolin around sa gate ng bahay namin.
"hun.. hindi monster ang camera.."
hehe.

i see your true colors
shining through
i see your true colors
and that's why i love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors
beautiful
like a rainbow

yay!!

281-22-nog-2-nog

may phone line na ulit kami!!
g'bye loneliness.
hello world!!
>chuckles<

***

went to see oj. (hun.. *sigh*)
hang around with him and his friends a.k.a business partners
great bunch.
papa chayi
boss martin
si joe
si hun.

took my exam
not so bad
(haha, if i would pass at all)
il cross my fingers

had a nice dinner conversation with Tina.
nilibre nya ko..
so i was both embarassed and greatful (gutom nako eh!)
sabi ko sa first sweldo libre ko sya jollibee.
hehe.
puffed a stick para kay tina.

went to see oj again.
tapos umuwi na.
mganda na sana ang isang buong araw ko at gabi
kung hindi lang sa kapal ng mukha ng isang manong sa jeep.
kaya pala kanina pa tingin ng tingin
kala ko wla lang magawa..
nung pagbaba ko, bumaba rin siya
miss, boypren mo ba yung kanina?
hindi ko pinansin at aba, sumunod pa rin.
'pwede mlaman number mo.. eto number ko..'
at parang wlang naririnig kong binilisan ang paglakad.
punyemimas, kung sino ka man
magnanakaw
manyak
o kung anuman.
lubayan moko!!!
ayaw!!!!
malas ka sa gabing ito.

ang friday the 13th tlga.. ayaw papigil.

***

fifth monthsary last 14.
gave him a bottle of 'us on water'.
(salt water from batangas by the way)
5 months..
im crossing my fingers.. again.
isama na pati mga daliri sa paa.

***

clock strikes at 2.. in the morning.

and in a moment.. it will be 3.

its weird how in just a matter of what seems to be seconds

you'll gain realizations, insights, ideas..

you've never known you could have.

tre mystery of late nights.

-==cute mo==-

.

.

sabihin sakin lahat ng lihim mo

iingatan ko

ibaling sakin ang problema mo

kakayanin ko

.

sasamahan ka sa tamis

sasamahan ka sa dilim

sasamahan ka hanggang langit

sasamahan ka sa tamis

sasamahan ka sa pait

sasamahan ka sa dilim

sasamahan ka hanggang langit

sasamahan ka..

.

-akap

imago

.

****

.

it isn't easy being you, i know..

it sure isn't easy being me either.

but i want you to know

here's a hug.

you'll always get a free one from me.

.

sasamahan kita, kahit saan.

(wag ka lang masyadong masungit)

*huuuuuuuug*

on the rocks of san juan. 

there's always two sides of the story...

well, mine.. its just this:

i love you.
with all my heart...

***
sabihin mo lang pag pagod ka na..
sabihin mo lang pag hindi mo na kaya..
sabihin mo lang pag hindi mo na ako mahal.
sabihin mo lang kung saan ka mas sasaya.

so i'll know when to hold you..
or
let you go.

true.
a relationship does not consist only of love.
But Most Of It.. IS.

bakit ka ba pumapasok sa isang relasyon?
hindi ba ang unang sagot:
MAHAL MO.

pero bakit pag nagkakalabuan na..
pag tinanong kung bakit ayaw mo na..
sasabihin
hindi sapat na MAHAL MO..

wla lang..
nkaka.. nkakaloko.. para sakin.

love was the reason in the first place
so bakit, hindi maging love ang rason para maiayos ang mga bagay.

basta ang alam ko kse..
LOVE always works.

yun lang.

***
Come up to meet you
tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are

i had to find you
tell you i need you
tell you i set you apart

tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions
oh lets go back to the start

runnin in circles
commin up tails
its only science apart

nobody said it was easy
its such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one evr said it would be this hard
oh take me back to the start

i was just guessing
at numbers and figures
pulling the puzzles apart

questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

tell me you love me
come back and haunt me
oh, when i rush to the start

runnin in circles
chasin tails
comin back as we are

-coldplay

hold my hand..

with a little love and some tenderness
we'll walk upon the water
we'll rise above the mist
with a little peace and some harmony
we'll take the world together
we'll take them by the hand

cause i've got a hand for you
cause i wanna run with you

yesterday, i saw you standing there
your head was down, your eyes was red
no comb had touched your hair
i said get up, and let me see you smile
we'll take a walk together
walk the road awhile, cause

cause i've got a hand for you
i've got a hand for you
i wanna run with you
won't you let me run with you

Hold my hand
want you to hold my hand
Hold my hand
i'll take you to a place where you can be
Hold my hand
Anything you wanna be because
i wanna love you the best that,
the best that i can

see i was wasted, and i was wasting time
'till i thought about your problems, i thought about your crimes
then i stood up, and then i screamed aloud
i don't wanna be part of your problems
don't wanna be part of your crowd, no

cause i've got a hand for you
i've got a hand for you
cause i wanna run with you
won't you let me run with you?

Hold my hand
want you to hold my hand
Hold my hand
i'll take you to a promise land
Hold my hand
maybe we can't change the world
but i wanna love you the best that,
the best that i can
-Hold my Hand
by Hootie & the blowfish
***
hun.. you will always have my hand to hold.
you will never be alone on anything.
i love you.

***
jani.. basta.. para sayo rin tong song na to.
mwah.

defense. its over. but not everything is. darn it.

lovin it. evrything but this.. awwwww.. sakit ng sunburn ko. hindi ko alam kung bakit ngka-sunburn pa rin ako, pero hindi anman masyadong maaraw khapon. umulan pa nga eh... binaon din pla nila ko sa sand. nkaka-frustrate pag gusto mong gumalaw tapso may itch sa ilong!! aarrgghh!! tagal kse ng picture eh! hehehe. pero saya.. kakaiba ang feeling. parang binabaon ka ng buhay.. wahaha. masochista?? 

heheheheh. kel, donna, and ava. videoke party ko nung feb. ayus dba. saya ever!

yiiiiiiiii!!!! sa cave!!! didn't have d chance to post this d last time.. so.. ayan.. nilagay ko alng paera akita nyo.. pers tym din sa cave.. saya!!! this is us, with new fiends.. hehhee. friends??? 

sa sagada.. ayos.. first time ko nakakita ng falls.. mganda.. kakap[agod.. pero oaky sya.. one of the greatest moments of my life.. syempre ksama ko dun sila ava, and almira. we had a lot of fun there, right guys!! i misshoo almira!!! cant wait for ouyr next trip together!!!! 

reality bites. *sigh* all-time great movie. perfect for first pic post. ava.. beh!!! 

haaaaay..

here at batangas. mejo maambon.. kaya mejo.. malamig..
sarap ng malamig.

next week..
kayod na anman ako.
im doing my thesis..
pahinga lang ng konti.
na-realize ko lang..
hey' im not so bad.
nagagawa ko naman ng maayos yung thesis ko.
tnanong ko yung prof ko sa intreco nung isang araw.
ayus.. di pa ako drop.
sakto lang absences ko.
il just have to pass the finals and i'm through.
yung practicum ko.. 4 days pa. hanggang april 15 pa naman yun.
community service, sa BGY nlang namin.
tapos gawa ng case study.
kaya yan.
kaya ko to.
madali naman, basta wala lang magsasabi na tamad ka
at sasabihin na kaya mo yan.

gagwa nga ako ng sched ko mamaya.
para mejo maayos na.

okay rin pala yung nalalayo..
marami kang naiisip na mga importanteng bagay.

***
browsed through friendster.
saw some lost love in the past
and ex-crushes.
cute ni mike.
makes me want to see him again.
tapos kukurutin ko lang cheeks nya.
katuwa si roy.
gusto nya raw ulit ako makita.
si jp..
he's still the same jp.
mysterious, charming,
and her girlfiend in his arms.
cute din ni jeff.
o cge na, since ggrad na rin nmn ako,
at hindi na kami mgkkita
aaminin ko na.
crush ko si jeff dati (at pag nakikita ko sya)
ambait nya kse. at sobrang down to earth.
c pj..
na ngayon ay boyps na ni ate vi.
akalain mo nga naman o..
im happy for her.
pansin ko lang,
mga hearthrob tlga tong mga crush ko.
*sigh*

***
pero iba ang love sa crush.
love ko hun ko..
and i love him more than any of my ex-crushes and lovers.
they may all be hearthrobs.
but for me,
isa lang ang nagpapatibok ng puso ko
hun ko.. miss ko na sya.

its a mazing how sadness can consume you.

ewan ko ba, bakit ang daming taong depressed ngayon..
and, oo, kasama na ako sa kanila
..paminsan.

may mga bagay naman kse tlgang nkaka-depressed.
nkaka-down.
na maiinis ka na lng..
pero wla kang magawa.
bad trip tlga, when its one of those days.

MGA BAGAY NA KNADDEPRESSAN KO:
application to graduate
bad trip to dahil, arrrgghh.. napagastos pa ako. basta, ang mahal!!! kse naman, kse namn, babatukan ko na ang sarili ko. *ugh*
i want to go to the beach
pero wlang pera, wlang pera, wlang pera. bora daw sa holyweek, haaaaay, hanggang panaginip nalang muna siguro yon.
OJT
tons of work to do.. alone. now that aj, is through with her time. kawawa nman ako, mag-isa na alng ako sa office. :(
thesis
ayokona ayokona ayokona. natutuyot na ang utak ko sa kakaisip ng isusulat sa thesis na yan. may defense pa. Lord, have mercy on us.
the pressure of graduating
parents, family, relatives, asking "kelan kba ggraduate??" aaarggh. june, june, june, Oh pls, let me graduate on june.
love problems
ewan ko ba, love problems na to, hindi na yata mawawala sakin ang problemang ganito, mahirap na amsarap na magmahal.. kahit ayokong mag-expect, nag-eexpect pa rin ako. umaasa.. lahat naman umaasa.. na sana, may kapalit na pagmamahal din isusukli sa kanila. i want the real thing. and they say, the real thing always takes a lot of work.
friends
the thought of leaving school is depressing kse you know that you wouldn't see friends that you're used to see almost everyday. you laugh with them, you hav fun with them, you get bitchy with them. and they, well.. they bear with your bitchyness. *sigh* its just sad to be away from people who have been a part of your every day.
cellphone
lost another one. yea, go ahead, you have the right to spank me twice, thrice. i'm too depressed with my kagagahan to even feel anyway.

***
bakit ganon, pag mga bagay na nkaka-bad trip ang pinag-uusapan,
you could go on and on with the list you have.
bad trip, asar, grrr...

wait lang nga, ayoko nang mbad-trip.
gusto ko naman sumaya.
kaya siguro, iisipin ko nalng muna yung masasayang pangyayari.
and then maybe,

happiness would consume me.
*Try natin*

think happy thoughts..
think happy thoughts...

hmmmm.. *smiling*..
mmmm..... mmm.. *grinning*

i think it's working.. :)

sarap, sarap, sarap.
haaaaaay..

**************

gusto ko na tlgang mag-frolic sa beach.
gusto ko na tlga mtapos ang lahat ng ito, at mag-beach.
ewan ko ba there's something about it that makes me feel relaxed.
parang walang problema..
parang lahat maayos..
lahat okay.
lahat mganda..

gusto ko na tlga..
anywhere.. anyhow..
basta, gusto ko ngayon na.
kung hindi man ngayon..
o cge next week nalang..
o next-next week kung pwede.

masaya at mas mganda kung kasama ang mga friends ko.
mas masaya kung kasama ang hun ko..
haaaaaaaay...
sarap, sarap, sarap.
i can't wait.

thesis.. whatever it takes
il pass this one.

kelan ba napapagod ang tao..

wala lang naisip ko lang.
hanggang kelan ba ang hangganan ng bawat isa sa bawat sitwasyon..

ie: sasabihin mo pagod ka na. signs shows na hindi na tlga kaya. pero sisige pa rin. sige pa, kaya pa. kahit hindi na. you go on, and do it. kahit pagod na. kahit hirap na.

bakit kaya..

naalala ko nun,
nag-eexercise ako sa gym.
perstym.
tagaktak ang pawis.
at hahabol-habol sa hininga.
sa isip-isip ko nun..
waaaaaaah, ayaw na..... uwi nako...
pero hala sige, takbo pa rin sa threadmill.

bakit kaya..

hmmm.. kse kailangang magbawas ng timbang.
kailangan sexy.
yun ang goal ko.
at nung araw na yun, yun ang gusto kong mangyari.
kaya kahit mahirap, sige lang.
bring it on, threadmill!

kinabukasan:
masakit ang katawan.
fuckinsiyet.
hindi ko kinaya bumalik.
at kinalimutan ang gym.

ngayon:
napapagod na nman ako..
pagod na pagod..

pero may goal ako.
ang makuha sya ng buo.
and if it takes me to give all my strength
then i would.

ayoko nang umabot sa puntong masaktan ako ng todo-todo.
at matakot akong bumalik.
pero cguro
kung pagttyagaan mo ang isang bagay.
and you'll do your best for it.
and you prove to yourself and to that person that you're worth it.
naniniwala ako na may kapalit na darating.
sabi nga sa isang movie,
"love is not a feeeling, it is something that you do."
so if you love someone, you do it.
no holding back.
you do everything it takes to show your love.
dahil sa isang simpleng rason.. MAHAL MO.

and then maybe,
just maybe..
you'll get the *fairy tale* you deserve.

right now.
he is my prince.
my sleeping prince.
siguro ngayon pa lang nag-uumpisa ang kwento namin.
when he wakes up, and he sees me..
it will be worth the wait.

kamalas-malasan nga naman

ke-gaga gaga ko.

nawalan na naman akong phone.
what's new, brand new?

ang pangit pala ng feeling
kapag you feel stupid, and no one's there to comfort you.

dahil lahat busy sa kani-kanikanilang pinagkakaabalahan.
wala lang.. ang pangit lang ng feeling.

kase akala ko,
kahit kelan
hindi na ako mag-iisa.

sabi ni dayon, mahalin ko daw muna ang sarili ko, bago ang iba. how could i give love, if i can't even give it to myself.

..bakit.. binibigay ko naman ah. mahal ko naman ang sarili ko.
kaya pa naman.. hindi pa naman umaabot sa sukdulan.
its just a matter of thresholds.
cguro mataas lang tlga yung akin.

para akong ewan.
nagpupunas ng basang mata sa computer lab.
sorry ha, dko tlga mapigilang masaktan.
dko sinasadyang mabasa ang kwento nyo.

oo.. nagseselos ako..
pasensya na..
pero nagseselos tlga ako.
pakiramdam ko..
inagaw lang kita sa kanya.

i always have this picture of us.

you're this man who can't eat his steak
but instead was force to eat coconuts
why?
because you're stuck in an island.
and you don't really have a choice.
because its all you've got, and its good for you.
for a while now it has sustained you.
and that was enough, for some days.
there's nothing wrong with coconuts, really..
until you miss eating steak again.
`.
'
`.
you got stuck with me.

sorry.
if im giving you more reasons to miss her.
di naman kta pinipigilan
at wala rin akong karapatan na pigilan ka.
she deserves to be missed.

alam ko mahal mo ko.
pero bilang tao..
alam ko rin na pangalawa lang ako sa kanya.
kahit hindi mo sabihin, randam ko yon.
sorry ha.. sorry talaga.
partly kasalanan ko, dahil minahal kta.
its been only months since she passed away.
hindi rin biro ang ilang taong pinagsamahan nyo.
at naiinitindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo
naiintindihan ko kung gaano mo sya na-mimiss..
kung gaano mo sya kailangan ngayon..

naiiintindihan kta.

kung pwede nga lang mgkatotoo ang mga hiling.
hiniling ko na sa Diyos, na sana
sana ngayon buhay pa sya.
para hindi ka na nalulungkot.
para kumpleto na ang kasiyahan mo.

alam ko nman na masaya ka rin sa piling ko.
pero siguro mas sasaya ka kung siya ang ksama mo.

hindi ako nagddrama..
naiintindihan ko ang pinagdadaanan mo
pero dahil mahal kta, sana naiintindihan mo rin, na nasasaktan ako.
wala naman akong hinihingi
alam ko na masasaktan ako
kaya, nandito lang ako.
hindi ako lalayo.
pero sana pag matatanda na tayo.
at kung pahihintulutan ng Diyos na tayo pa rin ang magkasama
sana.. sana sa pagdating ng araw na yon,
alam ko
at randam ko
na ako nang mahal mo.

***
blogging has always been my release.
hindi ko to masabi.
dahil pag kaharap ko na sya..
nabblangko ako.
siguro ganoon tlga pag pinpressure mo ang sarili na magbigkas ng mga salita
mga salita na hinihiling na sana
maintindihan.

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh, you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.

-never been kissed

i don't know why the hell i cannot, and i tell you, i CAN NOT horde even a sigle 'piso' in my pocket. it's like a curse bestowed to me since i set foot on college. i always always always have the urge to buy something.. anything. i'm starting to think, that i do need help.

i'm goin mental here.
random musings.
rantings of what sorts?
lahat ng mga kagagahan ko.

i'm supposed to be in control.
of everything.
i should be.
haha, well yeah right..
ako na yata ang pinaka disorganized na taong kakilala ko.

hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdamn ko.
kung feel ko..
bahala na kung san mpunta.

eto na nmn si bahala na.
fuckinsiyet tlga.
ayokong magmura.
----
hindi nmn ako ganon kasama..
desente pa rin nman ako.
pero mali yung ginawa mo..
alam ko.. siguro nga..
ano bang problema..
... ..
..(sigh)..
... ... ...
...... .. ...
ano ba, bat ayaw mong magsalita
wla akong masabi.. hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam
bakit.. sabihin mo.
hindi ko alam.
marami pero hindi ko alam.
(ang labo tlga)
parang gusto ko dpat alam nya na, dpat randam nya na.. dahil pagod nako.. pagod nako magpaliwanag.
pero hindi na man sya nagbabasa ng utak. hindi lahat ng bagay alam nya..
alam ko.. alam ko..
ntatakot lang ako.. na baka.. mali na namn ang masabi ko..
nasabi mo na sa kanya yun, at nsabi nya na rin na mas magugustuhan nya kung magiging open ka sa kanya.
sinabi nya nga.. at gusto ko namang gawin yon.
pero pagdating na sa puntong magsasalita na ako.. hindi ko na alam.
nawawala na lahat ng mga gusto kong sabihin
parang gusto ko nalang sana.. sana maramdaman nya yung nararamdaman ko

ang labo, ang labo.. alam ko

may nkakaintindi ba?
the first person that i expect would do..
hindi yata.
dahil ang labo, ang labo ko.. alam ko.

hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap
ang makipagkumpitensiya sa taong pinkamamahal mo
ang tumingin sa nka-post ninyong picture sa bawat araw na nraramdamn kong pangalawa lang ako a kanya.
ang pigilin na huwag maapektuhan kapag na-mimiss mo sya
ang pigilin ang sarili na mag-isip na mas mahal mo parin siya kesa sa akin.
ang masaktan for letting down your parents
for letting you down.

hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap maging selfish
habang nagmamahal.
dahil oo, pagdating sayo selfish ako.
akin ka lang..
pero dka akin.

mahal mo ba tlga ako.
o masarap lang magmahal.
kung papiliin ka kya ng taong mkakasama mo ngayon
ako pa rin kya ang piliin mo.

kung kasama kta.. iisipin ko lang to.
hindi ko kayang sabihin sa harap mo.
dahil takot ako..
takot akong marinig ang sagot.
takot akong magalit ka..
takot akong mramdaman na mali na nman ako..
takot akong sa pagbanggit ko ng mga nararamdaman ko, lalo kang mawala.

hirap nako..
hirap nako..
alam ko hirap ka na rin
pero pls.. wag kang bibitaw
hndi ako bibitaw
dahil mahal kta.


****
mga kabaliwan
sira sa utak
naguhong pangarap na siguro ang kagustuhan kong maging effective na psychologist.

You Have A Type B Personality

B You're as laid back as they come... Your baseline mood is calm and level headed Creativity and philosophy tend to be your forte Like a natural sedative, you have a soothing effect on people Friends and family often turn to you first with their problems You have the personality to be a spiritual or psychological guru

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

its mah burpday!!
its mah burpday!!
im gonna party coz its mah burpday!!

wahahahaha.
hiphopper???

videoke night!
can't wait!

You Are 23 Years Old

23 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

see.. i act 2 years older than my age.
hindi naman pla ako isip bata eh..... hmpf.
hehehehe.

happy happy happy
am all revved up. ready to be in the happiest mode.
okay na kami ng friend ko.

*sigh*

excited nako mag-practicum
pag nkapasok nako.
i'd be great.

alam ko kahit na ganito ako..
naniniwala ako sa sarili ko.
someday.. i would be someone that everybody could be proud of.
someday, i would be someone "I" could be proud of.
i may not be much of what i am right now.
alam ko, alam ko pasaway ako.
and i may be all talk.

pero alam ko rin tlga na one day,
i won't fail myself.

cguro nag idealistic akong tao.
puro theory.. walang gawa.
*pero meron, meron akong ginagawa.
(akala nyo lng wala, pero meron! meron! meron!)
i know its not my best.
and there are thigns that i need to work on.
at marami akong pagkukulang sa iba..
sa sarili ko..

pero sa totoo lang
all i need right now is support
to know that someone believes in me
na kahit na i'm a mess
nakikita pa rin nya na may mganda din naidudulot ang basura.

i read all my past entries dto sa blog.
most of them about kay myk.
tagal na rin pla..
mga one term din akong broken hearted
3 months ko din iniisip kung anong nagyari..
kung san ako nagkamali.
kung anong kulang.
o kung may sobra..

i could still feel how in love i was at that time
at ngayon narealize ko
all my blog entries then was of "me" in love.
none of them were 'him' in love with me.
no, this is not one of those bitter entries.
i don't hate him.
i loved him.
and i know he loved me at a time too.
this is more of.. acceptance.
oo, masarap ma-in love
masarap magmahal.
pero masarap din isipin na meron ding magmamahal sayo nang higit pa sa inaakala mo.

i'm in love.

*sigh*
haha, i know.. how redundant.
na naman.
i use the "L" word, as if it was the first time.
at alam ko,
pwedeng mali na naman ako..
pwedeng na-ooverwhelmed..
pwedeng natutuwa lang..
or kahit anong pwede pa.
pero pwede rin namang tama dba..
pwede ring "eto na tlga"
lahat naman naghahanap ng taong mkakapalagayan mo ng loob
at masasabi na,
"finally, i never have to wander again..
coz here you are.. with me."
at lahat hindi makakasigurado
we could only hope for the best
and in my part, i not only hope but believe
believeing always helps
lalo na kung parehas kayong naniniwala.

i've moved on..

kay roy..

he used to send me cds

write me in cute cards

sing to me

while strumming his guitar.

sabi nya gusto daw ako ma-meet ni melani..

i would love to meet her someday too..

nakkwento daw nya kse ko sa kanya..

did he really meant it

when he said he would tell stories of me to his son..

i wonder..

i could only smile at those memories.

i loved him.

and at a time, he loved me too.

`.

'

i've moved on..

kay myk..

he held me like i was only his

sabi nya i was the best,

but he said he can't be the best for me.

nang hindi ko man lang namalayan..

hindi nya nako mahal.

bigla na lang..

parang isang laro na umayaw sa usapan.

but after all was said,

he was my koi..

i loved him.

and at a time, i know he loved me too.

`.

,

i've moved on

and here you are.

you never fail to bring a smile upon my face

you make me feel that im worth it.

sana ikaw na ang huli..

.'

`

So it's not gonna be easy.

It's gonna be really hard.

But we're gonna have to work this evryday,

but I wanna do that because I want you.

I want ALL of you.

Forever.

You and me everyday.

`.

'

.

Nobody knows just why we're here

could it be fate or random circumstance

at the right place

at the right time

two roads intertwine

`.

and if the universe conspired

to meld our lives

to make us fuel and fire

then know wherever you will be

so too shall i be

`.

close your eyes

dry your tears

coz when nothing seems clear

you'll be safe here

from the sheer weight of your doubts and fears

weary heart

you'll be safe here

`.

remember how we laughed until we cried

at the most stupid things

like we were so high

but love was all that we were on

we belong

`.

and though the world would never understand

this unlikely union and why it still stands

someday we will be set free

pray and believe

`.

when the light disappears

and when this world's insincere

you'll be safe here

when nobody hears you scream

i'll scream with you

you'll be safe here

`.

save your eyes from your tears

when everything's unclear

you'll be safe here

from the sheer weight of your doubts and fears

wounded heart

`.

in my arms

through the long cold night

sleep tight

you'll be safe here

when no one understands

i'll believe

you'll be safe

you'll be safe

you'll be safe here

`.

put your heart in my hands

you'll be safe here

+++

got to visit this site from carla's blog. wla lang, i was so pissed off kse nagpunta ako sa schl, nang wlang kapararakan. tom nlang pla yung meeting. *sigh* kaya eto, comp lab sa goks. oh well, its a good thing, there's always free slots here.

You Are the Girl Next Door! You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life. What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

1.FIRST name: olivia
2.FIRST letter ng crush mo: hehehehe... sikreto
3. FIRST thing na ginawa mo ng magising ka: tumingin sa cellphone
4. FIRST thing na inisip mo ng magising ka: i have to call someone.
5. FIRST na tao na inisip mo [paggising]: hehehe.. yung sikreto ko.
6. FIRST na sinabi mo ng magising ka: shit, 5 na.
7. FIRST [song] na narinig mo ng magising ka: once in a lifetime by freestyle
8. FIRST na hinawakan mo ng magising ka: cellphone
9. FIRST school na pinasukan mo: san bartolome nursery
10. FIRST crush mo: emmanuel. haha, wlang maingay!
11. ilang taon ka nang magkaroon ng FIRSTcrush: cant remember.. tandaan daw ba.
12. FIRST love mo: uhm... dont know..
13. FIRST thing na tinitingnan mo sa guy/girL: eyes..
14. FIRST thing na hinahanap mo sa guy/girL: sincerity
15. FIRST thing na nagustuhan mo sa crush mo: being real.
16. FIRST thing na nakakaturn-off para sayo sa guy/girL: sinungaling, laitero.
17. FIRST thing na gusto mo sa isang tao: mabait
18. FIRST thing na ayaw mo sa isang tao: masama (hehe malamang)
19. FIRST thing na gusto mo sa sarili mo: pagiging good friend
20. FIRST thing na ayaw mo sa sarili mo: pasmado.. grrrrrr...
LAST
1.the last movie you watched?: butterfly effect. asshteeg. one of the best movies i've ever seen.
2. the last tv show you watched?: myx cguro..
3. the last song you heard?: dragonfly by spongecola
4. the last thing you bought?: hehe. e-load.. para may pang-text ako.
5. the last perfume you bought?: fake cool water for men na inarbor na ng kuya ko.
6. the last food you ate?: tuyo and egg, and sinangang.
7. last thing you wore?: shorts and shirt.
8. last thought on your head?: gusto ko sya makita..
9. last time you went out?: u mean gimmick.. cant remember. pero ang alam ko na last yung kasama ko cna almira and donna.
10. last time you talked to your crush?: hehe.. this morning.
11. last time you talked to your ex?: eon years ago..
12. last time you kissed?: kissed my dad and mom goodnight lastnyt.

.
all i want for christmas is my two front teeth
my two front teeth
my two front teeth
+++

14 days to go, and it'l be christmas.
i love christmas. at kahit ano pa ang sabihin ni jerry.
de best pa rin ang pasko. hehe
pakialam ko kung magastos.
pakialam ko kung nkaka-stress.
don't care, any other day can be stressful anyway.

pag pasko, everyhting seems to be okay..
kahit malungkot.. sumasaya..
it will be a sin to be sad on christmas.
kaya mapipilitan ka tlga.
pag pasko, its contagious to be happy.
besides there's no better gift than seeing the people you love happy.
kaya:

ke me pera man o wala.
love life or none.
ma-stress man ang lahat ng nerves ko sa katawan.
heck,
itaga mo sa bato, magiging masaya pa rin ako.

nainggit ako kay carla, so i figured, id put my christmas lists.
i'd get 'em all someday.
(even if it means getting them myself) hehe

1. more happy memories. (to make, to remember, to cherish, to live for)
2. money.. hehe. d ako mukhang pera, mas masaya lng cguro kung makkakabili ako ng mga gusto ko ng hndi nanghihinayang sa presyo. at saka, pag may money na ko, mabibilan ko ng ng mgagandang gifts yung mga taong mahal ko.
3. i-pod. arrrgghh.. gusto ko.. gusto ko.. gusto ko.. pero kung wala, cge discman nlng.
4. digicam. i just want to capture moments. in that way, mas madaling balikan ang mga bagay-bagay. frustrated photograper dn pla..
5. ukay-ukay treasures!! yey! i know, i know, i know. they're cheap. la akong paki anganda eh!
6. movie tickets. gusto kong manood ng manood ng amnood ng manood ng manood ng movie. kahit ano.
7. laptop. hahahaha. ewan ko basta gusto ko na ng laptop.
8. wheels. hehe. yung may kasama ng makina ha. (i know its asking too much, but hey, a girl's got to dream)
9. just someone i could talk to and say goodnight to. (besides platonic friends) haha. you get what i mean.
10. gifts i could give to my family and friends. (ones they would actually like)
11. peace of mind.
12. world peace. (hehe, in my miss universe tone.)
13. ang paglago ng ekonomiya ng pilipinas.
14. ticket sa concert ni usher sa january. (syempre dapat may kasama!)
15. cds (session road, kitchie nadal, sugarfree, six cycle mind, mojofly, and hehe ung sweet album ni nelly)
16 extension ng phone sa room. i need it baaaaaaaadly. pag nagkataon, sa kawrto na ako titira.
17. a yorkshire terrier. cute eh.. :)
18. pillow. kse inagaw ni tita ung pillow ko.
19. pampa-rebond.
20. gamot pampatanggal ng pasmado. (plsssss.. Lord!)
21. unlimited access sa net.
22. patience sa masusungit kong kuya at ate.
23. smile for OJ, and a roomful (and more) of love.
24. anti-paranoia, worry-free life, and more years of friendship for best bud ava. (ava, peace tayo. hehe)
25. anti-stress for tina, and a whole lot of bottles of beer to chug.
26. anti-guilt, peace of mind for my dear mira.
27. a great job that donsky would love and be really happy for.
28. happy memories and fulfilling life for kel
29. less worries, less stress, more cuddles, more laughter, for my 'ol partner jani.
30. more time to spend with dandan.
31. haaaay.. more nice conversations with my really really nice friend ivy. and ah, sana, payagan na syang gumimick parati. :)
32. contentment for medz. (miss her so much)
33. marian's happiness, and time rin..
34. courage for aie, and more happy memories.
35. happiness for koi, hope he finds the one true love he deserves.
36. a cute and ncie boyfriend, and contentment for my ate.
37. sana maging friends na c kaye and yung crush nya.
38. for my kuya to have a happy family (less temper, i hope).
39. more harmonious and loving marriage for my parents and ah.. good sex. (hehe, wish ko tlga yun)
40. a future husband for my tita. pero kung wala.. basta sana makasama ko parati sya.
41. food for evrybody sa noche buena. and toys para sa mga little kids.
41. more christmas to celebrate. kaya sana mahaba pa buhay ko.

***
can't wait.

i hate lamok!
i hate lamok!
i hate lamok!