Back to Reality

just got back from an hour and so flight from Puerto Princessa Palawan.
"Aaaaahh.. back to the city..
back to my old reality.."
although i missed my girlfriends at work,
i can't stop myself from feeling down.
i can feel my body tensed
as the calming effect of the clear blue sky, and pristine waters of palawan quickly expired.
Coming back, i was reminded of the life a left 4 days ago:
waking up early (i know, i know, i'm sooooo lazy..)
filling up blockings (and its choking me to death)
another sales meeting tom (don't have anything to report)
it means..
another... dragging.... day.....
and to add weight to my misery,
i have no buck to spend for the days to follow.

if there's one worse thing in my life, it's work.
is it a crime to say,
"i hate my job."
and everyone who's tired of hearing me complain silently asks,
"then why the hell are you still staying, stop whining, and get out of that shithole."
"i can't leave.. yet.
we don't have a corporate sales rep..
i'll miss my friends.. i know i'll just be miserable without them..
i don't know where else to go, what kind of work i'll do..
or maybe i know,
but i don't know how to get there..
what if i'll make the wrong decision..
i'm scared.."
is it a bigger crime to admit,
that leaving my job
scared the living lights out of me.