after adding me to friendster (which i accepted),
tin sent me a message saying "hi"

is she being nice
or is she doing this to spite me?

hindi ko alam..
ayoko nang mag-isip.
ayoko nang makaramdam ng kahit anong galit..
nang inggit..
o nang sakit..
i've had more than enough of my share of pain and heartaches,
ayoko nang dagdagan pa.

i loved him, and i cannot change the reality that maybe i'll always will.
my letting go phase is long over due.
it's nearly 8 months since then.
haha.. sobrang tagal na..

but i know that i'm okay now.
i'm going to be alright.
that realization came when my nights stopped being such a torture,
and i was able to sleep with my pillow dry.
i seldom cry now (i still do sometimes but only when i miss him terribly).


my friends kept on telling me.
"ano ba ola,
siya pa rin ba, sobrang tagal na nyan ah."
*chuckles* kahit ako, natatawa nalang sa sarili ko.

hindi na sya.
he's no longer the person that i want to be with and have 5 kids with.
he's no longer the face i see myself growing old with.
hindi ko na pinipilit na gawin sya ang tao na yun.

pero mahal ko pa rin sya.
he was my squishy.
at kahit anong gawin ko,
he will always be this one person who became a big part of who i was.
he has always been my life.
and now my life is living a life of his own.

and i guess that is enough for me to be happy.. for him.
for the past years, all i do was to search a way for him to feel that happiness.

he found his way back.

now it's time for me to find my own.