"You give me peace, in a lifetime of war."
-achilles (TROY)


***
may kinuwento sakin yung tita ko
may kasamahan daw sya sa church
they were getting married..
the date is set.
and proper preparations were just being approved.

until he got sick.
and have to be rushed in the hospital.
they say there has been a complication in the brain.
hindi alam kung paano nangyari at saan nanggaling.

bigla nalang..
ganon na.
comatose.

everyday, she was by his side.
she never left him once.
hoping that in a heartbeat,
he'll open his beautiful eyes, and smile at her..
like the way he used to.

yesterday, my tita told me.
he passed away.
sabi ng doctors wag na daw patagalin, masasayang lang daw ang pera nila sa kakabayad sa mga aparato na nakakabit sa kanya..
wala na daw tlgang magagawa.

she didn't want to let go.
they were supposed to get married
and be together.
she didn't want to say goodbye..
but she have to.



***
mgpapa-pedicure dpat ako kna ava..
akala ko may party na nman sa kapit-bahay nila.

"patay na.."
"ha??! di nga??!"
"oo.."
"magpapapedicure pa nman dpat ako sa kanya..."

she was so alive when i last saw her..
i paid her 40 bucks..
and now she's lying there in a box.

"bat namatay??"
"sabi ni aling carms, uminom daw ng tubig.."

uminom ng tubig..
marami daw kseng sakit yun.
mostly sa tyan.
hindi ko alam kung bakit bawal ang tubig, pero basta a single sip of it would kill her.

pasaway.
she drank water, and now she's dead.



***
its scary how your heart could stop from beating
and just die.
frightening, to not be ready for what is to happen.
when you still haven't done the things you want and longed to do.
when there's still words left unsaid.
actions left undone.

things you haven't really taught about much,
but means a whole lot.

when you thought, you're just about to start your life..
when finally, you realize how beautiful life is..
when at last, you have something to live for..

here comes death.
looking you straight in the eye.

at the last beat of your heart..
at the last breath you take..
at the last touch you feel..
and after (what they call) "the last 6 seconds of brain activity"
after everything else has shut down..

it is then that one realizes, it's too late.

i want to start now.
start living now.

start saying what should be said.
eh ano.. kung nakakahiya.. kung nagmumukhang tanga..
kung corny.. kung may pagka-jolog..
at least nasabi mo..
and you've done your part.

start doing what should be done.
mahilig akong ipagpabukas ang lahat..
"bukas nalang.. marami pang oras."
ngayon hindi nako sigurado..
paano kung wala na..
hindi lahat ng bagay magagawa at matatapos ko sa isang araw..
o sa iilang oras..

there are so many things that im not ready for.
pero sana bago man ako kunin ni Lord
alam ko na nagawa ko na ang mga dapat kong gawin.
then maybe dying wouldn't be so sad anymore..