letter

Dearest,

When you left. My world went to a halt.
a lit cigarette isn't the same without you.
My coffee is bland without you stealing a sip from it.
Everything seems to float in a vast emptiness.
And time seems to be too fast..
or seem to be too slow.
Suddenly, im lost.
And then I realized,
I have to do something.

I never thought a piece of paper can someday save me.
So after all is said (and yes, all is done)
I just have to let you know:

I love you.
With all that is me, I love you.

I know you must have had heard this a hundred, or a thousand times even from other people whose life you've touched.
you were never really hard to love..
I guess, every I love you spoken, every I love you written, every I love you acted upon has their own story.
And sometimes you may think, that they're all the same.

You once said to me over coffee,
"no 'I love you' is forever. Someday one way or another someone would want to get out, because one was loved too much or the other was loved too little. And then I love you would be just a bunch of words gathered to form a sentence."
You chuckled right after.
I don't know if you were just saying that to spite me, you've always loved teasing me.
You argue for the sake of arguing.
But on that moment, I took what you said by heart, it kept me awake that night after you insist to take me home,
like you always do.

But now I can tell you with all my heart,
that this I love you is different.
This is unlike all the others, sweet and gentle and heart-warming.
What I have is not just a feeling that is bursting to be known.
This is more than the getting-it-over-and-done-with.
For this one I say with nothing expecting in return.

My I love you is not just a bunch of words.
My I love you is a testimonial.
It is a testament of everything that has been, is being.. and will be.
My I love you is waiting for nothing,
is asking for nothing.
For I am contented just knowing that this reached you.
Whole.
Sincere.
Uncorrupted with my need for you to love me in return.

I'm grateful you came into my life.
And you never thought this I love you
would come from your bestfriend.

----------------------
for ava