i've learned to smile now..
dati kse..
may makita lang ako ng picture nila na magkasama,
i felt like my heart's being crushed into pieces.
i never thougth it could literally feel like that..
na parang nadudurog ng dahan dahan yung puso ko..
tapos tutulo nalang ang luha.
wala akong magawa eh..
wala akong karapatan na manghingi..

but that was then.

now..
i've learned to smile, and be happy for him..
napangiti ako..
because he looked so happy in one of their pictures together.
and the thought of that calmed my heart..


***

went to baron's wake, razel's loved one.
i wanted to comfort her and hug her.
i know there's nothing i can say that can make her feel better
from losing someone she deeply loves.

kahit hindi ako yung nawalan..
randam ko and sakit at hirap na dinadanas ni raze, at ng pamilya nila..
no one deserves this kind of pain..
but we all have to get through it..

maikli lang ang buhay..
ilang beses na ba nating napatunayan yun..
pero hindi pa rin natin niyayakap ang bawat araw ng pagkakataon na binibigay sa atin..

i dont want to find myself at the end of the road saying..
"i'm not ready.."
i dont want regrets for all the lost time..
for all the what ifs..
for all the memories not shared..
for all the sorrys unsaid..
for all the thankyous unheard..
and for all the iloveyous not shown..

i hope in my soul,
and i pray..
that the people close to my heart
live a life with no regrets.
a life experiencing God.
a life with hope. and faith. and trust.
and Love.