wla akong magawa..
mahal pa rin kta.

kahit ilang beses ko pang sabihin at isipin
na ayoko na..
ganon pa rin
mahal pa rin kta.

i just had the healthiest laugh minutes ago.

went to ava's place.
ate lunch at 4 pm.
burned a cd.
watched a friggin' (haha) funny movie.
learned that:
love is not just a feeling.
it is something that you do.
talked.
squirmed.
laughed.
craved for isaw.
bought 3 milky knots.

went home.
watched some tv.
listened to some cd's..
jayson called.
talked.
squirmed.
laughed.
craved for it to never stop.

****
"sabihin mo nga...
kabilugan ng bwan.. bwan ng kabilugan..
nang mabilis at maraming beses.."

haha, laugh trip ka tlga.

ngayon ko lang narealize
mas marami pla akong alam kay almira
pagdating sa showbiz
hahaha!
at mahirap plang mag-isip ng mga hayop.
kahit gaano pa sila karami.

padamihan ng masasabi.
ang talo.. wla lang, talo lang.
ang tagal kseng lumitaw ng araw.
pampalipas lang ng oras.

naubos na ang mga tao sa mga soap opera.
pati sa mga noontime shows.
cguro mga 2 beses ng nbanggit c nora, ai-ai at manilyn.
si diether at c echo favorite, tatlong beses.
***
almira: jimmy bondoc!
ola: artista ba yun!? o cge.. mahal!
almira: mura!
ola: haha. jimboy!!!!
***
ola: spencer.
almira: lady lee.
ayos.. lady lee.. pamatay..
***

i do what i have to do.
and then
i take it back the next morning

***
it's hard
when you're fighting with yourself.

You do.
Or you don't.

You make.
Or you break.

You want to.
But you can't.

And you can.
But you don't want to.

You love.
Or you.. hate.

gimick tonight.

ang daming mga bagay na hindi nabigyang pansin..
magagandang bagay na dapat ikatuwa
na dapat ipagpasalamat.
pero hindi nagawa

bakit?
dahil broken-hearted ka.
ang drama mo..

***
mamaya
magpapakasaya ka.
mamaya
hindi ka na mag-iisip ng mga bagay na tungkol sa kanya
mamaya
you'll move on

***
kasabay ng paglakad mo para sa mga matatanda
inilakad ko mo rin ang pagmamahal mo sa kanya
tama na ang pag-iyak.

sana ito na ang huli.

seconds.. minutes of you.
and that would be enough.

i could sleep with a smile.

at morning
i'll miss you.
thinking of ways to forget
how i loved the way you complete my every day.

and i'll wait for the evening
for those seconds..
minutes of you.

****

i brought you here
so that i could express the things i've been thinking about
give me your ear coz i don't normally do this
so bear with me through this
that i wanna say
but let me start by simply sayin
i thank you

darling just because
i used to love someone that i didn't like
we used to wanna break up every other night
i used to think relationships were a lot of stress
i used to think that pain was a part of happiness
now all that's changed since you've come my way
but i don't want us to become
another used to be.

i hope what i'm saying
don't discourage you in any kind of way
coz i do believe
that you have the potential to be everything i need
i hope that you can really understand
that i would hate to be with someone new

now that you're here
it's evidently clear
i don't have to worry
that i don't ever have to have this worry again

***

i don't want us to be another used to be...

"naks naman.. tlga naman, inlab na inlab pa rin kay yonyur!"
message sent.

***
*beep*
1 message received

"kung hindi inlab, walang relasyon."

tinamaan ako dun.
tama nga... kung hindi ka inlove... pano magkakaroon ng relasyon.
mahal mo nga eh, kaya nga nanjan ka para sa kanya.
mahal mo nga eh, kaya kahit nasasaktan ka... sige lang
mapag-uusapan naman yan..
naayos..
basta mahal mo..
basta mahal ka..

dahil kung hindi mo na mahal
whats the point?
mas madaling bumitaw
mas madaling gumive-up
mas madaling itapon nalang ang lahat.

eh pano yan..
mahal ko pa.
mahal na mahal.

kaya hindi ako bibitaw.
inlab pa eh.

*8*

maghhintay ako.

wag nang pasaway.

basta maghihintay ako.

***

start na ng klase.
first day, first class, INDUSTRIAL PSYCH
syempre late na nman ako.
at oo, wla na naman akong dalang pen, at notebook. maliban sa isang higlighter, at maliit na square na notepad.
malay ko ba. first day eh, dko naman alam na magsusulat agad.

"ola tlga, hindi na nagbago.."
ssshhhhhhhhhh.. wag kang maingay. bad impressions last..

"ang walang notes, hindi maddismissed."
great. nagpaparinig na. wla akong paper, wla pang pen.

may nagbilang anghel, inabot ang yellow pad.
tapos nanghiram ng pen kay aiza. utang na loob ko pa yata. haha. saved!

copy*copy*copy

"balita ko lagi ka daw late?"
ngiti lang.. daanin sa ngiti. baka sakaling makalimutan. at mabighani sa kagandahan.. nyak!

"if you're 15 minutes late. wag na kayong pumasok. 7 and half absences, and il drop you."
and he was firm on this.
Help me, Lord!

***
after the class

"dahil na-late ka.. here's my assignment for you.. blah-blah-blah"
buena mano, assignment kaagad.
*so much for making a good impression.

you know how a cookie crumbles.

you take a bite. and no matter how careful you may be. no matter how gentle your pearly whites may cut through the cookie.. there will always, always be bits of crumbles falling from it.

it was just like us.

no matter what i do, something falls off.

********

"okay.." was the last word i heard myself saying.
i hang-up the phone. numb.

okay. It has always been, "okay.."

i tried. and maybe much more than he said he did. i gave my best.
i didn't give up.

i didn't give up, til he told me to.

its amazing how words could be just that, words.

ang daming mga bagay na nasabi.
pero mas marami parin yung hinde.

at kung masabi man ang mga hinihintay na salita
may halaga pa ba.

may halaga ba.

***
you once told me

whatever happens
we will always be there for each other.

at hindi mo ako sasaktan.
at hindi mo ako iiwan.
na mahal mo ako.

mahal.
sinabi mong mahal mo ako.

ayaw mo noong marinig na sinasabi ko yung
"ayoko na"
"kahit joke lang, ayokong marinig,"
sinabi mo pa.
pero ngayon pakiramdam ko
hinihintay mo na yung mga salitang yun.

hindi naman ako naghahangad ng sobra.
wala naman akong hiningi na higit pa sa nararapat.
ikaw lang naman ang kailangan ko.
na maramdaman na mahalaga ako..
na maramdamang totoo ang mga sinabi mo.

dahil isang minsan
nabanggit mong mahal mo ako.

mahal.
sinabi mong mahal mo ako.

it's amazing how words could be just that, words.

well you know how much i love you
so you better not let me down
i'm not asking for too much baby
just stick around.

those words echo to me.

i want to stay.. i do.
i just don't know if you still want me to..

yeheeeyy!!
i passed!!
i passed!!

magpapakabait nako.. promise!~!!

swear.... talaga!